A Glimmer

Dearest Folders,

About five months ago I suffered an injury at work, and I wrote out several scenarios that God could take me. The recovery was llloooonnnggg, and I endured some good-natured ribbing from co-workers (and some passive aggressive stuff, but none of any consequence). I was transferred to a different department along with a dangled carrot of becoming a "specialist," received a magical cortisone shot, and waited. The manager who possessed the carrot left to have back surgery - AND NEVER CAME BACK. The same thing happened two summers ago - a manager sent me to Leadership Training, with the intent of making me a supervisor, suffered a heart-attack, and was forced into physician-ordered retirement.

So, I continued on,  jostled about in my seat on  the "Faith Bus," thinking about the clothed lilies and fed birds of the air, wondering why God would not allow me a way of escape. About a month ago, the new manager of my department approached me about a promotion. I asked for time to think about it, and she honored my request, suggesting I go to another store to "shadow" an employee currently holding the position. About a week later she said she HAD to know, was I in or was I out? The store was losing money and rank in the district due to the lackluster performance of the associate previously holding the position, so I knew there would be a lot of pressure, which is why I wanted time to pray/think about my decision. I accepted.

In typical Diz-fashion, I plunged in like gangbusters. I spent the first week trying to figure out what the heck I was supposed to do (that's how my big-box rolls), self-trained, was boxed about the ears a couple of times, unintentionally stepped on toes, and brought the numbers up. They hired a part-time associate to assist, who I trained with my "vast" knowledge obtained from the week before, and we rocked our numbers/quotas/dollars, by week two. I received a substantial raise (in big-box world, that is), a regular schedule, and am really enjoying my work!

The crazy thing is, the cortisone shot completely wore off - almost exactly when I was promoted. My arm is on fire, even more so than before I had the shots. Because I couldn't feel the pain, I continued to injure the arm, damaging it further. My first instinct was to immediately go in for another magic bullet, as my injury case is still open, but I decided I better wait. I foolishly abused my arm during the last numbing, so for the moment pain is my friend.

Whoever thought pain could be a friend? Not I. Phillip Yancy and Paul Brand wrote a book, The Gift of Pain, which I read so many years ago that I couldn't personally relate. They described how pain is beneficial both spiritually and physically, but what I remember most is Dr. Brand's contribution.  Brand studied leprous patients, noting that the deadened limb nerves resulted in a myriad of secondary injuries, including severe burns and infection. Had the afflicted been able to feel the painful sensation of burning, for example, they would have avoided touching hot surfaces, or repeatedly injuring the same area.

The same is true for the pain brought on from life's difficulties. I was resigned to the fact that God had forgotten me. I still campaigned for promotion, speaking to different managers and such, and continued applying online for other jobs, but I really didn't believe. God, in His infinite mercy, showed up at the 11th hour - which, I'm told, He often loves to do. Testing my faith, willingness to persevere, and acceptance of His will. I wish I wasn't such a slow learner, forgetting so quickly all His successful rescues from the past, but that is my old creation fighting to keep my eyes fixed on visible and earthly things. Painful events reveal a lot about our spiritual nature. That is a gift of pain. For me, it bubbled up unbelief, self-pity, more pride, and just how unspiritual I really am :). It's so easy to believe, have faith, and praise God when things are going our way and we are feeling good. That's why the Apostle Paul is one of my faves - his faith never wavered during situations far worse than hoisting buckets and rugs.

So, my Faithful Few, I can already feel the change in my health from the regular hours! Previously, I would begin working each day anytime between 6AM to 2PM, getting home between 3PM to 11PM - all in the same week. So, one day I would start at 6AM, the next day 1PM, then the next day might be 8AM, and so forth. It's the same feeling that a Mom gets when caring for a newborn - I was delirious. Had I had received the supervisory position that I so desperately tried to snag, my hours would still be all over the place. My back has improved greatly, too.

If  you read my synopsis on miracles, this one is the kind that happened over time - and I rejoice. To God be the glory. He gave me a job better suited for my personality and age, with a smidge more money to boot. But, more importantly, I received a clearer snapshot of my spiritual state, for which I repent and pray never to revisit. Thank God for His Grace.

Howdy, Strangers

I have been ruminating over this post for over a month. If I am to stay true to the intent of this blog, to encourage others who are called to the "overcomers" life, I must "keep it real," which is our family motto. This presents the challenge of protecting others' privacy, my own, and my concern of presenting the over-coming life as something NO ONE would want to embrace. If I "keep it real," I risk confusing the younger Christian, which I don't want to do. God Bless the younger Christians (and I don't mean physical years). At that phase of our walk, we are so sure of ourselves. Ah, I remember it well.

I was listening to a marvelous sermon by A.W. Tozer, and what he said really blessed me. He spoke on the Christian life, and how, at times, it can be very lonely. God has placed me in a somewhat isolated spot. The Christians that I have met, while very dear, have a different call on their lives. They are confident that the successful life they are experiencing is based on their own choices, prayer life, and behavior. Unless you've experienced God's closed doors, of course, it makes sense that you would believe that. I know, I used to believe that, too.

So, here is the first of my struggles. God's closed doors. I have a dynamic personality, am well-educated, and cannot get hired at any decent corporation. And, having applied at no less than 75 places, I have had plenty of time to ponder God's decision to bolt this door shut. I have mounting bills and debt, which, in the past has caused me great shame (previous posts address my pride battle), but now, seems to be a way of life. Medical bills, school loans, and trying to make it month to month is a great weight on my shoulders. I have led my family, alone, for 16 years, and have asked God to pay the bills, because there simply isn't enough funds to do it all. I know I've mentioned this before (perhaps droned), but it is what it is.

The other issue, ironically, one I should have been aware of the moment I published my first post, is the state of Christianity.  Who are all these people saying they are Christians? Granted, I've only been a Christian some 30 years, but, I definitely see a chasm forming. Tozer's sermon reminded me about the new era we are in. Oh, sure, we've been talking about it for a long time, but really think about it. First, there were the Jews, who were set apart. Out of the Jews, a separate group was born called "Christians." Now that we in the United States refer to anyone who believes that there is a God, or presence, or something supernatural, as a Christian, what are we to call those of us who are called to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, like the Apostle Paul, or Peter? Yes, we are all saved by Grace, but after our initial salvation our old creation is supposed to go away - not overnight, mind you, but little by little. I wonder what the name of this group will be?

I named this blog based on those whom God called out from the average Christian life, but, don't be confused, I'm not referring to what the world considers "average." Those "Christians" who are "serving" the Lord, obeying only select commands, but refusing the path God has set before them because it prickles at their self-will, are not whom I reference. Today, every pop/rap/country/etc... singer, movie star, and politician refer to themselves as Christians. Some young people on Facebook, living with their significant others, having babies, partying 'til the wee hours of the night, refer to themselves as Christians. Their criteria for the Christian life is based on a worldly, self-centered version of "Love." True, we are commanded to love, but there are a heck of a lot more commandments in addition to love. True love cannot exist with self-indulent behavior (Galatians 5:13). The fruit of true love cannot hang from the same tree of sin. Those bound to intense sin or choosing such a life, not seeking deliverance or help from God, no thought of repentance, calling themselves Christians. Imagine a church, pews filled with these kinds of believers. Where do we fit in?

So, here we are. On our knees (or leaning on my back support) in prayer. Many have a glimpse of what the future holds, but we're not sure what our role will be. I, for one, am probably exactly where God wants me to be: Dependent on Him, unable to plan anything, living day to day following His will. This is great training for the future, but, wow, not easy when your kids' tires are bald and several need medical attention that I can't afford.

I don't need advice or encouragement, even the most loving and well intentioned. I need to forgive God for what I perceive as relentless training, without much "rain." Forgive myself for wrong choices.  I need to be content in all circumstances.  Accepting, by faith, that this is working for good in my life, even though much of the last 16 years didn't make sense. Persevering. Repenting. Thankful and grateful for what I do have.

It gives me great joy to see my children prosper, which helps me to accept my circumstances. Had I broken out of this prison, I don't think they would have turned out to be such awesome Christians. I often think of how my life would be different if I had an eighth of the maturity, godliness, and wisdom that they possess at their young age.

So, if you made it this far down the page, you will understand why I haven't written any thought-provoking, encouraging, enlightening posts in over a month :). Run your race and don't give up. I'll keep you "posted" (you know me and my love of puns:) so you know you're not alone.