Wednesday, November 30, 2011

God's Current

Two nights ago I had a "dream." That's in quotations because I have two kinds of dreams: Weirdo, sweet, bizarre, fun, or scary dreams; and spiritual "dreams."  Interestingly enough, two of my daughters also have "dreams." I usually wake up and know what the Lord is saying, but this one was a bit mysterious, so I had to ponder the interpretation and ask God, "What did this mean, why was that person's unique eye color significant, and why did I look so young (AND PRETTY!) in the dream?" Those of us who "dream" can easily distinguish between the two types. Last night, I had another "dream!" This one was obvious and disturbing.

When I awoke this morning, the dream was confirmed in my morning Bible study. I was overjoyed. As I mentioned in the previous post, God has been a wee bit silent with me as of late.  I pray, and flow in the current of His will, without a lot of two-way communication or imput :) I can't really describe how it works, or give you a scripture. I've had miracles - but not ones I've prayed for. I've had situations miraculously work out, but I didn't know where the current was flowing, until I arrived there. I pray for very specific things, and, of course, ask that God's will be done. Apparently, not much of MY prayers, plans and dreams are according to God's will. God has had me flow one length at a time - no vision, no plan, no clear direction. For someone who is a planner, and not real spontaneous, this has been a faith-builder, or what I like to call, a white-knuckler.

Here's an example of my "God's Will Current." Two summers ago, my youngest, who HATED school (This story is kid approved), approached me in August and said, "Hey Mom, I'd like to finish my junior and senior year in high school, and my freshman year of college all at the same time." WHAT! I responded, incredulously, "You HATE school, why would you want to do so much work all at the same time?" After much discussion, and hasty meetings with academic counselors and college pre-req testers, we signed her up for all the coursework and she diligently applied herself, doing quite well. Five months later, God "said" to me, "You need to go take care of your Mom." Well, I knew my Mom was lonely, but didn't know she needed help.  The following March I scheduled time off from work, juggled around the three girls' work/school schedules, and we all met up a Gma's. Wow. Her finances were in a shambles, the house was in disarray, she was falling and not telling anybody. I wondered why there was a lock-box outside the house. "Oh, so when I fall the fireman can let themselves in to help me up," she casually responded. She didn't want any of us to know because she was afraid her kids would put her in a nursing home. Yikes.

God knew that I needed to help my Mom, long before I did. He orchestrated all the details. He put it on my girl's heart to finish crazy amounts of school so that she'd graduate a year early and be able to move. And then He decided to tell me. I successfully transferred to a local store almost immediately (I think I missed a total of two weeks pay). Pretty miraculous stuff.

Years ago, God gave me Isaiah 54 as one of my watchwords (I know, I usually type out the scripture, but it's far too long). I was passing by my daughter's dresser, and her Bible was open to that chapter, and I was prompted to read 1-10. I sobbed. And a short time later He did hide his face (v.8). Job experienced this when he said, "If only I knew where to find him; if only I could go to his dwelling!" (Job 3:3). I went from having an "open heaven" in my house, experiencing the presence of the Lord continually, prayers being regularly answered, to God abandoning me for a brief moment (v.7). How can I describe this? He was still there, still carrying me in the current of His will, but hidden. It's the worst feeling ever.  Perhaps infinitesimally comparable to what Jesus felt when he said, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46, Mark 15:34).

This morning I felt that old familiar synchronization, that oneness, that communication. My heart sang all the way to work. It sang until "J" showed up - have you ever discerned evil hanging on somebody's back like a monkey? That's "J". I had to pray the whole time he was near me, so my heart stopped singing while I tried to prevent my skin from crawling.

Now, the dream. Fellow "Folders," Jeremiah 9 was my dream, repeated in several modern scenarios, but the same theme. The verse that POPPED out at me was, "Instead, they have followed the stubbornness of their hearts" (v.14). That was the downfall of the Christian person/group in each scenario, not allowing God's will but insisting on having their own way. The disturbing part was that they persecuted those who did God's will.

As I mentioned in the previous post, I am blessed. God is purging all the dross out of my heart. I can't say I wasn't a tad fearful about the persecution from fellow "Christians" in my dream, but I'll just take it one step at a time - like God is teaching me to do. When I was in labor with my first baby and the contractions were about five minutes apart, I called my girlfriend. I was scared and I voiced my fear to her, "If it hurts like this now, what will it feel like toward the end?" She said, "You won't go from two centimeters to 10 without passing through three, four, five, etc..." The progression gives you time to gear up for the next level. May this be true for us in our 100-Fold journey.

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