Talk about your ups and downs! Epiphanies. Ever present conundrums. Fresh hopes. New sights.
All without leaving the city.
All in one week.
Took time off from work due to family issues, and while it was serious, spending time with my kids was an absolutely delight. The most lovely, and surprising, reception awaited me at work. My job is taxing, both physically and mentally, and having applied for many jobs during my time off with the hope I would receive SOME response, I dreaded going back to the tedium that is my job. The rote, monkey-grinding, non-cerebral work that I perform is God's tool to school me in a number of saintly traits.
Many coworkers told me that they had prayed for me, which was especially dear, but two individuals really stood out. One gal, oh my word, how do I describe her seven month-long hazing of me? The prayers that I have sent up because of her. She approached me and said that she had lit a candle at her church on our behalf, and that her priest prayed for us during mass! I hugged her three times - I was so overwhelmed and touched by her concern. The second gal coached me how to pray - to fall to my knees each morning immediately upon getting out of bed, and how much more God will honor and hear my prayers :). My good friend, Sue, put together a fund-raiser for our family. The luncheon required a tremendous amount of work, and my friends blessed me with a generous donation to help with my bills. Sue is an amazing lady, a righteous Bhuddist, with the vocabulary of a gansta. Lord, bless all the good-hearted people at work, and please heal Sue's broken heart.
And then, on the fifth day, I worked with "J". He was mentioned in a previous post. "J" has the same creepy spirit that my kid's dad does, in fact, I am concerned about how he behaves at home. He was so enraged, over who knows what, that a customer spoke to the manager about him, and I, too, had to report him for disrespect at the end of my shift. But, here is the rub. The more I allowed him to get under my skin, the more jellyfishy I became. I started reacting, jittery, nervously and embarrassed myself. When I arrived home, I was so ashamed. Having not been married for 15 years, I thought that fear of abusive people was long gone, but a kernel still remains. Lord, help me find the place that does not feel responsible for other peoples' happiness, but does not make me selfish and self-centered. Yuk. My new mantra is, "I am not responsible for your happiness." Only pleasing God, loving my neighbor, and doing His will.
God is moving in my life, and my family's lives, and this week it became clear that no promotion is forthcoming. Honestly, it was kind of a relief. Trying to be the perfect employee, hustling, and doing other people's work, is exhausting. Still wondering what is next and continuing to pray (for Logan, too). Mom insisted that the "Internet Business Starter Pack," was the answer - advertised on her radio station :) We'll see.
Tried another new church. If my beloved home church was not 400 miles away, I would not be searching. The preacher was good-humored and sincere, but the median age was 65 - about 10 years younger than the last church. Fellowship is so important to me and sorely missed. Lord, please help me find some brethren of like-mindedness, and a job that enables me to meet with them.
Speaking of faith. Since we know faith comes from hearing the word, I have been listening to my Old Bible CD collection in the car for the past several months. Recently, I thought I would try BibleGateway's audio Bible while at home. Wow. Max McLean's portrayal of Paul and his personality is fascinating, much different than when one simply reads his letters (or listens to the old audio versions). His remarks can be sassy, sarcastic, chastising, loving, and Mr. McLean depicts Paul as a powerful leader. Made me think more of my jellyfish moment, wishing I could be as commanding.
Sadly, my Mom has declined quite noticeably in the past few months. It is both heartbreaking and frustrating. I left for work with an agreement that she would not write a check to the AC guy who was conducting a "free" inspection covered under her four-year warranty. Long story short, she wrote a check for $252.00 for parts worth $10.00. The owner would only knock off $50.00 because she had signed the agreement. Two Jehovah's witnesses have been in the house three times - after asking her NOT to let ANYONE in the house each time when I'm not home. Neither of us makes enough money to support the other, hence, the conundrum. I know there's a way to get paid by the state as a caregiver, but I don't have the literal hours to sit in offices all day to figure it out. Lord, make a way for me to take proper care of my Mom. I don't know how You will do it, but I know nothing is impossible for You, please, help.
After my son passed, I lost all interest in politics and current events. Previously, I had followed websites (and newspapers - remember those?), read political books and listened to talk-radio, keeping abreast of the American circus. The triviality, the lies, the fighting - are to me, now, vanities of vanities. Today I keep an arms distance length from the pulse of our nation, but this past week, three stories came "across my desk," that caused my world to shake. The first, written by a "doctor," detailing the practicality of killing a baby - if one decided that it wasn't a good choice to keep him or her after birth (Molek is working his way to the US, from embryos to live babies in what was once a "Christian" nation: Leviticus 20:3). On the tail of that, a couple is suing their practitioner for not discovering in utero that their baby had down-syndrome, so they could have aborted her. And the third, a city is enforcing an ordinance that prohibits a regular gathering of three people at a home - because a couple is hosting a weekly Bible Study.
Please, stay with me, keep reading, don't skip out just because other sites have posted these stories.
If you are riding on the cusp of your faith, or dabbling in what you consider nominal sins, (there's no such thing, by the way), those three stories should knock you to the side of decision. I realize that we can become immune to such warnings, we've heard them so often, and some of our kookier "end-timers" have been embarrassingly wrong. As I write in my desert corner, I would be remiss if I let you go without begging you to get serious with God. Strengthen your muscles now; the muscles of self-control, forgiveness, pride (please, no finger pointing), fear, lust, and _____(you fill in the blank). You can't bench 300 pounds without working up in smaller increments. The same is true of our walk with Christ - you will never be a Paul without repenting of remedial sins. I promise you that you will not be able to withstand the increasing pressures to come unless you work out your faith, every day, with fear and trembling. After training for over 30 years, I still grapple with rudimentary sin issues.
On the upside, the abortion proponents are being held responsible for their position - if they diagnosis incorrectly, they will now pay. How sad for that little girl, the spirit of rejection that will be with her for her entire life. "We would have killed you if we had had the chance, but now, you're our burden for the rest of our lives." Also, how will the Bunko crowd feel if their weekly game-night of more than three people (can't play Bunko without 12!) is cited by the city? Although, I doubt the city will target the Bunko group, the support groups, or the PETA people - it is really those Bible thumpers they are after.
My prayer friend sent me word about the woman whose health I "discerned." Certain she was suffering from stress, rather than a serious illness, it was contrary to what others believed (see "The Year of Risk Taking"). Thank God she is well, and it turned out to be stress causing her symptoms, and that I "heard" from God correctly. After two weeks, I was as humble as pie, in the event I was wrong. A little tightrope walking - made it to the other side. Pride is a nasty taskmaster, cannot wait 'til it is under my feet.
As for the book review, I haven't had a chance to write it up - but it will be forthcoming, especially now that my blog-buddy, David, spread the word :). As I told David, I'm a thinker more than a writer, so I am hoping the review will be worth your while.
All without leaving the city.
All in one week.
Took time off from work due to family issues, and while it was serious, spending time with my kids was an absolutely delight. The most lovely, and surprising, reception awaited me at work. My job is taxing, both physically and mentally, and having applied for many jobs during my time off with the hope I would receive SOME response, I dreaded going back to the tedium that is my job. The rote, monkey-grinding, non-cerebral work that I perform is God's tool to school me in a number of saintly traits.
Many coworkers told me that they had prayed for me, which was especially dear, but two individuals really stood out. One gal, oh my word, how do I describe her seven month-long hazing of me? The prayers that I have sent up because of her. She approached me and said that she had lit a candle at her church on our behalf, and that her priest prayed for us during mass! I hugged her three times - I was so overwhelmed and touched by her concern. The second gal coached me how to pray - to fall to my knees each morning immediately upon getting out of bed, and how much more God will honor and hear my prayers :). My good friend, Sue, put together a fund-raiser for our family. The luncheon required a tremendous amount of work, and my friends blessed me with a generous donation to help with my bills. Sue is an amazing lady, a righteous Bhuddist, with the vocabulary of a gansta. Lord, bless all the good-hearted people at work, and please heal Sue's broken heart.
And then, on the fifth day, I worked with "J". He was mentioned in a previous post. "J" has the same creepy spirit that my kid's dad does, in fact, I am concerned about how he behaves at home. He was so enraged, over who knows what, that a customer spoke to the manager about him, and I, too, had to report him for disrespect at the end of my shift. But, here is the rub. The more I allowed him to get under my skin, the more jellyfishy I became. I started reacting, jittery, nervously and embarrassed myself. When I arrived home, I was so ashamed. Having not been married for 15 years, I thought that fear of abusive people was long gone, but a kernel still remains. Lord, help me find the place that does not feel responsible for other peoples' happiness, but does not make me selfish and self-centered. Yuk. My new mantra is, "I am not responsible for your happiness." Only pleasing God, loving my neighbor, and doing His will.
God is moving in my life, and my family's lives, and this week it became clear that no promotion is forthcoming. Honestly, it was kind of a relief. Trying to be the perfect employee, hustling, and doing other people's work, is exhausting. Still wondering what is next and continuing to pray (for Logan, too). Mom insisted that the "Internet Business Starter Pack," was the answer - advertised on her radio station :) We'll see.
Tried another new church. If my beloved home church was not 400 miles away, I would not be searching. The preacher was good-humored and sincere, but the median age was 65 - about 10 years younger than the last church. Fellowship is so important to me and sorely missed. Lord, please help me find some brethren of like-mindedness, and a job that enables me to meet with them.
Speaking of faith. Since we know faith comes from hearing the word, I have been listening to my Old Bible CD collection in the car for the past several months. Recently, I thought I would try BibleGateway's audio Bible while at home. Wow. Max McLean's portrayal of Paul and his personality is fascinating, much different than when one simply reads his letters (or listens to the old audio versions). His remarks can be sassy, sarcastic, chastising, loving, and Mr. McLean depicts Paul as a powerful leader. Made me think more of my jellyfish moment, wishing I could be as commanding.
Sadly, my Mom has declined quite noticeably in the past few months. It is both heartbreaking and frustrating. I left for work with an agreement that she would not write a check to the AC guy who was conducting a "free" inspection covered under her four-year warranty. Long story short, she wrote a check for $252.00 for parts worth $10.00. The owner would only knock off $50.00 because she had signed the agreement. Two Jehovah's witnesses have been in the house three times - after asking her NOT to let ANYONE in the house each time when I'm not home. Neither of us makes enough money to support the other, hence, the conundrum. I know there's a way to get paid by the state as a caregiver, but I don't have the literal hours to sit in offices all day to figure it out. Lord, make a way for me to take proper care of my Mom. I don't know how You will do it, but I know nothing is impossible for You, please, help.
After my son passed, I lost all interest in politics and current events. Previously, I had followed websites (and newspapers - remember those?), read political books and listened to talk-radio, keeping abreast of the American circus. The triviality, the lies, the fighting - are to me, now, vanities of vanities. Today I keep an arms distance length from the pulse of our nation, but this past week, three stories came "across my desk," that caused my world to shake. The first, written by a "doctor," detailing the practicality of killing a baby - if one decided that it wasn't a good choice to keep him or her after birth (Molek is working his way to the US, from embryos to live babies in what was once a "Christian" nation: Leviticus 20:3). On the tail of that, a couple is suing their practitioner for not discovering in utero that their baby had down-syndrome, so they could have aborted her. And the third, a city is enforcing an ordinance that prohibits a regular gathering of three people at a home - because a couple is hosting a weekly Bible Study.
Please, stay with me, keep reading, don't skip out just because other sites have posted these stories.
If you are riding on the cusp of your faith, or dabbling in what you consider nominal sins, (there's no such thing, by the way), those three stories should knock you to the side of decision. I realize that we can become immune to such warnings, we've heard them so often, and some of our kookier "end-timers" have been embarrassingly wrong. As I write in my desert corner, I would be remiss if I let you go without begging you to get serious with God. Strengthen your muscles now; the muscles of self-control, forgiveness, pride (please, no finger pointing), fear, lust, and _____(you fill in the blank). You can't bench 300 pounds without working up in smaller increments. The same is true of our walk with Christ - you will never be a Paul without repenting of remedial sins. I promise you that you will not be able to withstand the increasing pressures to come unless you work out your faith, every day, with fear and trembling. After training for over 30 years, I still grapple with rudimentary sin issues.
On the upside, the abortion proponents are being held responsible for their position - if they diagnosis incorrectly, they will now pay. How sad for that little girl, the spirit of rejection that will be with her for her entire life. "We would have killed you if we had had the chance, but now, you're our burden for the rest of our lives." Also, how will the Bunko crowd feel if their weekly game-night of more than three people (can't play Bunko without 12!) is cited by the city? Although, I doubt the city will target the Bunko group, the support groups, or the PETA people - it is really those Bible thumpers they are after.
My prayer friend sent me word about the woman whose health I "discerned." Certain she was suffering from stress, rather than a serious illness, it was contrary to what others believed (see "The Year of Risk Taking"). Thank God she is well, and it turned out to be stress causing her symptoms, and that I "heard" from God correctly. After two weeks, I was as humble as pie, in the event I was wrong. A little tightrope walking - made it to the other side. Pride is a nasty taskmaster, cannot wait 'til it is under my feet.
As for the book review, I haven't had a chance to write it up - but it will be forthcoming, especially now that my blog-buddy, David, spread the word :). As I told David, I'm a thinker more than a writer, so I am hoping the review will be worth your while.
Just a heads up. I haven't forgot our bargain, either. I arrived at church an hour early last night and spent some time at the altar just praying. Whenever I come to praying about my job stuff, you spring to mind, too.
ReplyDeleteI'd read the article about after-birth abortion. I was appalled. What a terrible thing.
Godspeed to you.
That's quite a week you had there!
ReplyDeleteSo glad your daughter is recovering well, and happy that your coworkers treated you well on your return.
I'd look very closely into the "internet starter" thing before diving in. Usually the only people making money on those deals are the people signing other people up using radio ads... my mother-in-law got taken to the cleaners by such a program.
post-birth abortion? Seriously? Man, I don't even want to read the article. Can something be shocking and unsurprising at the same time?
Logan, thanks for the continued prayers. I have prayed for you, too.
ReplyDeleteDavid, thanks for the heads up. I Googled and read all the scary reviews. Mom is just worried about me :)