A Glimmer

Dearest Folders,

About five months ago I suffered an injury at work, and I wrote out several scenarios that God could take me. The recovery was llloooonnnggg, and I endured some good-natured ribbing from co-workers (and some passive aggressive stuff, but none of any consequence). I was transferred to a different department along with a dangled carrot of becoming a "specialist," received a magical cortisone shot, and waited. The manager who possessed the carrot left to have back surgery - AND NEVER CAME BACK. The same thing happened two summers ago - a manager sent me to Leadership Training, with the intent of making me a supervisor, suffered a heart-attack, and was forced into physician-ordered retirement.

So, I continued on,  jostled about in my seat on  the "Faith Bus," thinking about the clothed lilies and fed birds of the air, wondering why God would not allow me a way of escape. About a month ago, the new manager of my department approached me about a promotion. I asked for time to think about it, and she honored my request, suggesting I go to another store to "shadow" an employee currently holding the position. About a week later she said she HAD to know, was I in or was I out? The store was losing money and rank in the district due to the lackluster performance of the associate previously holding the position, so I knew there would be a lot of pressure, which is why I wanted time to pray/think about my decision. I accepted.

In typical Diz-fashion, I plunged in like gangbusters. I spent the first week trying to figure out what the heck I was supposed to do (that's how my big-box rolls), self-trained, was boxed about the ears a couple of times, unintentionally stepped on toes, and brought the numbers up. They hired a part-time associate to assist, who I trained with my "vast" knowledge obtained from the week before, and we rocked our numbers/quotas/dollars, by week two. I received a substantial raise (in big-box world, that is), a regular schedule, and am really enjoying my work!

The crazy thing is, the cortisone shot completely wore off - almost exactly when I was promoted. My arm is on fire, even more so than before I had the shots. Because I couldn't feel the pain, I continued to injure the arm, damaging it further. My first instinct was to immediately go in for another magic bullet, as my injury case is still open, but I decided I better wait. I foolishly abused my arm during the last numbing, so for the moment pain is my friend.

Whoever thought pain could be a friend? Not I. Phillip Yancy and Paul Brand wrote a book, The Gift of Pain, which I read so many years ago that I couldn't personally relate. They described how pain is beneficial both spiritually and physically, but what I remember most is Dr. Brand's contribution.  Brand studied leprous patients, noting that the deadened limb nerves resulted in a myriad of secondary injuries, including severe burns and infection. Had the afflicted been able to feel the painful sensation of burning, for example, they would have avoided touching hot surfaces, or repeatedly injuring the same area.

The same is true for the pain brought on from life's difficulties. I was resigned to the fact that God had forgotten me. I still campaigned for promotion, speaking to different managers and such, and continued applying online for other jobs, but I really didn't believe. God, in His infinite mercy, showed up at the 11th hour - which, I'm told, He often loves to do. Testing my faith, willingness to persevere, and acceptance of His will. I wish I wasn't such a slow learner, forgetting so quickly all His successful rescues from the past, but that is my old creation fighting to keep my eyes fixed on visible and earthly things. Painful events reveal a lot about our spiritual nature. That is a gift of pain. For me, it bubbled up unbelief, self-pity, more pride, and just how unspiritual I really am :). It's so easy to believe, have faith, and praise God when things are going our way and we are feeling good. That's why the Apostle Paul is one of my faves - his faith never wavered during situations far worse than hoisting buckets and rugs.

So, my Faithful Few, I can already feel the change in my health from the regular hours! Previously, I would begin working each day anytime between 6AM to 2PM, getting home between 3PM to 11PM - all in the same week. So, one day I would start at 6AM, the next day 1PM, then the next day might be 8AM, and so forth. It's the same feeling that a Mom gets when caring for a newborn - I was delirious. Had I had received the supervisory position that I so desperately tried to snag, my hours would still be all over the place. My back has improved greatly, too.

If  you read my synopsis on miracles, this one is the kind that happened over time - and I rejoice. To God be the glory. He gave me a job better suited for my personality and age, with a smidge more money to boot. But, more importantly, I received a clearer snapshot of my spiritual state, for which I repent and pray never to revisit. Thank God for His Grace.

Howdy, Strangers

I have been ruminating over this post for over a month. If I am to stay true to the intent of this blog, to encourage others who are called to the "overcomers" life, I must "keep it real," which is our family motto. This presents the challenge of protecting others' privacy, my own, and my concern of presenting the over-coming life as something NO ONE would want to embrace. If I "keep it real," I risk confusing the younger Christian, which I don't want to do. God Bless the younger Christians (and I don't mean physical years). At that phase of our walk, we are so sure of ourselves. Ah, I remember it well.

I was listening to a marvelous sermon by A.W. Tozer, and what he said really blessed me. He spoke on the Christian life, and how, at times, it can be very lonely. God has placed me in a somewhat isolated spot. The Christians that I have met, while very dear, have a different call on their lives. They are confident that the successful life they are experiencing is based on their own choices, prayer life, and behavior. Unless you've experienced God's closed doors, of course, it makes sense that you would believe that. I know, I used to believe that, too.

So, here is the first of my struggles. God's closed doors. I have a dynamic personality, am well-educated, and cannot get hired at any decent corporation. And, having applied at no less than 75 places, I have had plenty of time to ponder God's decision to bolt this door shut. I have mounting bills and debt, which, in the past has caused me great shame (previous posts address my pride battle), but now, seems to be a way of life. Medical bills, school loans, and trying to make it month to month is a great weight on my shoulders. I have led my family, alone, for 16 years, and have asked God to pay the bills, because there simply isn't enough funds to do it all. I know I've mentioned this before (perhaps droned), but it is what it is.

The other issue, ironically, one I should have been aware of the moment I published my first post, is the state of Christianity.  Who are all these people saying they are Christians? Granted, I've only been a Christian some 30 years, but, I definitely see a chasm forming. Tozer's sermon reminded me about the new era we are in. Oh, sure, we've been talking about it for a long time, but really think about it. First, there were the Jews, who were set apart. Out of the Jews, a separate group was born called "Christians." Now that we in the United States refer to anyone who believes that there is a God, or presence, or something supernatural, as a Christian, what are we to call those of us who are called to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, like the Apostle Paul, or Peter? Yes, we are all saved by Grace, but after our initial salvation our old creation is supposed to go away - not overnight, mind you, but little by little. I wonder what the name of this group will be?

I named this blog based on those whom God called out from the average Christian life, but, don't be confused, I'm not referring to what the world considers "average." Those "Christians" who are "serving" the Lord, obeying only select commands, but refusing the path God has set before them because it prickles at their self-will, are not whom I reference. Today, every pop/rap/country/etc... singer, movie star, and politician refer to themselves as Christians. Some young people on Facebook, living with their significant others, having babies, partying 'til the wee hours of the night, refer to themselves as Christians. Their criteria for the Christian life is based on a worldly, self-centered version of "Love." True, we are commanded to love, but there are a heck of a lot more commandments in addition to love. True love cannot exist with self-indulent behavior (Galatians 5:13). The fruit of true love cannot hang from the same tree of sin. Those bound to intense sin or choosing such a life, not seeking deliverance or help from God, no thought of repentance, calling themselves Christians. Imagine a church, pews filled with these kinds of believers. Where do we fit in?

So, here we are. On our knees (or leaning on my back support) in prayer. Many have a glimpse of what the future holds, but we're not sure what our role will be. I, for one, am probably exactly where God wants me to be: Dependent on Him, unable to plan anything, living day to day following His will. This is great training for the future, but, wow, not easy when your kids' tires are bald and several need medical attention that I can't afford.

I don't need advice or encouragement, even the most loving and well intentioned. I need to forgive God for what I perceive as relentless training, without much "rain." Forgive myself for wrong choices.  I need to be content in all circumstances.  Accepting, by faith, that this is working for good in my life, even though much of the last 16 years didn't make sense. Persevering. Repenting. Thankful and grateful for what I do have.

It gives me great joy to see my children prosper, which helps me to accept my circumstances. Had I broken out of this prison, I don't think they would have turned out to be such awesome Christians. I often think of how my life would be different if I had an eighth of the maturity, godliness, and wisdom that they possess at their young age.

So, if you made it this far down the page, you will understand why I haven't written any thought-provoking, encouraging, enlightening posts in over a month :). Run your race and don't give up. I'll keep you "posted" (you know me and my love of puns:) so you know you're not alone.

A Psalm of an Overcomer in Progress

Dear Lord,

I want to have a heart of thankfulness and praise, and be continually aware of the blessings that You have bestowed on me. I know it is in my weakness that You show yourself, but I believe my weakness is all that is showing right now. I'm so tired.

I can't help but glimpse at other Christians' lives. I know they are not perfect, they have disagreements, struggle with sin, and the like. But to live like that would be a spa vacation for me. Have I mentioned my age to you recently? Yes, I know you know the number of colored gray hairs on my head. I'm so tired.

Lord, You know that I'll never turn away from you. You know I'll be faithful unto death. I've given you my life, my dreams, my reputation, my money, my home, my son, my children, their health, my family, my church life, my friends, my companionship, my job, my health, my will. Sometimes cheerfully, sometimes tearfully, sometimes with great difficulty - but I've given them all to you. I'm so tired.

I've been written off because I'm a single woman, because Christians assume no obedient servant of Christ should have lost so much. I want to forgive them. I read Your word, so I know better. But I'm not an Apostle, or Elijah, so I struggle with my loss. People talk about "seasons." I don't have a season, I have a life style. I'm begging you to show me that being sequestered in my desert cave is going somewhere. I'm so tired.

I know that the past 20 years has been a faith-building gym membership. Trusting and believing in the unseen. I cling desperately to the hope that you are working all of this for good. Others, who have gone before me, lived through some horrific tests. They are my inspiration. Brother Wurmbrand, buried underground for over a decade, makes my life look like a birthday party. I'm so tired.

As I look back, I can see that all that you have done has made sense, well, most. The rest, I imagine, will be made crystal clear in the next life. Years ago a brother saw a vision of me pulling an oversized cart, loaded with all the aspects of my life, and I was struggling and perspiring to move forward with all that You required me to do. But, I'm 15 years older, the cart is too heavy now. Lord, please pull the cart for me. Please take care of me. Please be my bread-winner. Please heal my children. Please put a covering over me. Please grant me physical rest and strength, I'm so tired.

I'm not asking for a miracle, for they provide temporary relief. I'm praying that You'll give me what it takes to run the race. I have been told in the past that You'll keep the same tests coming until I learn what You're trying to teach me. Please, Father God, forgive me for being such a slow learner. Please take the cart from me, or unload it, or let me ride in it for a while, so I can rest.

Forgive me for the times that I have doubted You, been mad at You, been bratty, and have not believed in the goodness of You. Forgive me for my sins. Forgive me for not appreciating the training that I have received in not loving my life unto death. Forgive me for not being thankful that I have bread to eat, a job, and a bed to lay my head down at night. Restore my soul.

Remind me of all the wonderful things you have wrought through my trials. Refresh my memory. Let me dwell on things that are lovely, pure, and wonderful. Grant me a desire of my heart, like a gift, from You to me, to let me know You are close by. Be my strength.

This is the day that the You have made. Let me rejoice and be glad in it. Praise you Lord, for in Your infinite grace, mercy, and love, You will be my help, my stronghold, my deliverer. My trust and hope are in You.

Keeping My Eyes on the Unseen

God and I have been having a bit of tussle. That is to say, I have been disappointed, listening to endless amounts of Psalms on CD, and begging Him for help. The King, regal and great, lovingly watches me while I  have my tantrum.

Our Lord is complete control - of everything. That's part assuring and part disappointing.  Being chosen by God never ceases to amaze me, and I wouldn't leave my prison cell for any tempting earthly delicacy. Look around. Would you want all the suffering, that floods the world, to be for naught?

On the other hand, He's seen my faithfulness through 20 years of suffering, American style persecution,  and hardship. Like Joseph and Job, can't I be released from prison or receive the gold ring?

His great love for me allows this training, the testing, and potential eternal reward. But I struggle to keep my eyes on the unseen. I don't expect NOT to endure hardship, but as my Husband, I want to experience His goodness in the land of the living. Help with debt, endless medical bills and a diagnosis for a dangerous condition one of my children is suffering from - to name a few. Or, maybe a professional job that pays much more than I make now.

If what the prophets say are true, than I am in the cat-bird seat. I have gone without, I only exist in the will of God (well, that is when I'm not having a tantrum), I've been slandered publicly, lied about in courts, yada, yada, yada. I am so thankful that God loves me enough to deal with all my sins ahead of time. Can you imagine the day when our brethren no longer have their apps on the phone, ability to buy a shiny new cars, take vacations or worse, feed their families?

Most American Christians have not endured much suffering and so I posted what I thought would be helpful on a Christian chat group, for a member who is struggling. I was chastised by another poster for having hardships. It brought back old feelings, the treatment that I received from some Christians because my life wasn't visually blessed. Sure, when the tribulation arrives, that poster won't remember his arrogance. It's human nature, as I've said before, we always forget our own misdeeds much quicker than those of others.

After pondering about the comment, and praying, I believe two things are at work. The immature Christians, whose sufferings are minimal, judge others by their own measure of "joy." The joy I experience isn't happiness, and I believe the two are confused by Christians. I have tremendous joy (well, you know, most of the time), and it is based on being called by God, knowing that he carries me in times of testing, and seeing what He's done in the lives of my children. The joy of the Lord is my strength. Rescuing me 30 plus years ago from the ugly life that many people suffer with. I am BLESSED! Happiness can be fleeting and is typically associated with earthly things. Not bad, just not the same.

Let me describe what great joy is like: I wrote paragraph four of this post several days ago. I was so overwhelmed with hospital and medical debt, I have been looking fervently for a second job. Two of my children work two jobs while attending college, and the other one works well over 40 hours a week. I have been paying 10-15 bills in tiny increments every month, but the last hospitalization three weeks ago included out of pocket costs that made it impossible. The elder one phoned my sick child, and offered a large amount of money for the medical bills. It was money that had been saved for a tithing donation and the elder believed our need was greater.

Can you imagine being the parent of these kinds of kids? With what they've endured, to have such tender hearts for one another and still serving God - talk about JOY!

The second thing I prayed about, which I was accused of, was bitterness. I searched my heart, and while I found extreme fatigue, occasional comparing, a bit of envy, I found no bitterness. I was a bit sad. You see, when I "joined" this online forum and listened to some fabulous sermons, I thought that the Christians would be different. Like some that I knew in my hometown. I know the 7,000 are out there, I just had hoped I would have found one or two. They're good, earnest folk, and when they lose it all, some will rise to the occasion.

A social worker at the hospital said I may be able to get paid for taking care of Mom. I mailed in the application today. She requires so much assistance - I'm beat. The outcome of my work injury? They moved me to a different department, and my lifting is reduced about 80%! I don't get near as dirty, but there are many more customers to assist - and people get crabby if they're not waiting on right away :). I don't care. Bring on the snarls, I'd rather deal with that than permanently injure my arm. Plus, the cortisone shots I received were amazing - I know they don't work on everyone, but I feel great.

So, as my Pastor would say, "God is on the throne." Teaching us to live by His will, one day at a time, preparing us to help those whose happiness dries up when things get messy.

Abounding in Grace

Good Morning to you all! Another day of repentance, humbling, joy, strength, and GRACE!

Lots of twists and turns on the roller coaster ride that is my world; family, medical, finances, work, etc...If God allowed me to have the orderly life that others enjoy, would I have the humility, reliance on God, prayerfulness, and heart, to stand during the tribulation? It's a Catch-22: To prepare for the end-times, we must learn to endure hard-ship now, but does that mean those are not suffering hardship, will not endure? Or, will they automatically spring into overcoming mode, if they've kept their hearts pure?  Will God's Grace enable them to stand? Did I require more work (and Grace) because of the state of my Adamic nature or is my unique American life due to my call?

Yesterday, I received an email from a friend regarding some recent prophecies about the end-times. The people who gave the prophecies have only experienced limited and common discomforts. I discerned that God will take them before things get too messy, but I battled irritation that God chose them to prophecy anything about the intensifying tribulation. They lack for nothing. Living in a constant state of repentance, especially about comparing my life with others, I never want to disappoint the Lord by having an ungrateful heart. The greatest gift we can have while on this earth is living each moment by the Will of God, of which I would never want to lose. Not to mention, what God is doing in other's lives is none of my bees-wax.

When listening to those who have been tried in the fire, such as Brother Wurmbrand, I receive incredible encouragement. While I can't imagine that kind of suffering, the fact that he came out of it, refined as pure gold, is such a testimony! Brother Wurmbrand believes, like all Folders, that now is the time of preparation. He spoke of  going into a grocery store, looking at all the bounty, and leaving without buying a thing, cautiously guarding against American materialism. The two who gave the prophecies are polar opposites. So, I will continue to pray about suffering, pray for the grace to stand during any situation that God brings my way, and not judge the faith God has distributed to each of us (Romans 12:3).

I reread all my posts in one sitting, and there is definitely a theme that threads them together. If a young Christian were to stop by, I don't think he or she would read past the first post.  My blog is clearly intended for the more mature in Christ, but it prompted me to think about God's Grace. Every day, God's Grace enables me to recognize my sins, grants me the ability to repent, and simply - to stand! We Folders, who are beyond the elementary teachings of Christ (Hebrews 6:1-3), are cloaked in Grace, but, when looking at the young in Christ (regardless of physical years), become impatient with their sinful struggles, slow progression, and we become nearsighted or blind, forgetting our own beginnings (2 Peter 1:9).

It's an occupational hazard, but not acceptable.

My caution to myself and those reading this post is that before judging all the baby Christians, those we consider lukewarm, or those embracing a mixed bag of spiritual philosophies, and deciding their eternal end (as if we are even allowed to do such a thing) let's first pray. Remember, Jesus, the Chief of Overcomers, ministered to the unbelievers, worldy, religious, and new converts. Disclaimer: I am not speaking about spending copious amounts of time with "Christians" who are immoral, wolves in sheep's clothing, or "spiritual" apart from the Holy Spirit. The Bible warns against this lest they drag us down with them.

I believe a trap has been set and the enemy will attempt to deceive us one way or another. God's Grace and Love has been so distorted, misused, abused, and twisted, that we must guard against becoming unloving and ungracious. The "Saved By Grace and Not Works" followers, using a select few scriptures, have signed up for God's Grace and Love, but have decided that the whole "obey God's commandments" is a works' thing, so it's hard to tell them apart from the most grievous of sinners. Or there is the "Spiritual" crowd, who want all the benefits of the Spirit but not much to do with Christ. So, we see a struggling baby Christian, and assume he/she is "One of Them," take out our judge-o-meter, and decide, "Hmmm, your tree has little fruit, it's not very sweet, and I found a 'Listens to rap music' branch - You're out." The Bible says we'll know them by their fruit, but as we become more knowledgable and "deep," so should our love (Philippians 1:9).

I'm mentoring a girl right now who knows nothing about the Lord or the Bible. A. has been married before, lived with another man, and then recently became engaged. She reluctantly told me she moved in with her boyfriend. I said, "Well, you know what I believe, but since you've already done this, let's take it from here." We talked, and in no way did I condemn her or shy away from God's truths.  We discussed why she thought this was a good decision and her brokenness. The following week, she came to pick out paint from my department. She had moved back into her brother's rental, and he said he would help pay for paint. It was ALL God and nothing I said, because I am swimming in unfamiliar waters. I have always considered my ministry to those who are already walking in a deeper relationship with the Lord.

As mentioned in other posts, we are in a constant state of motion with the Lord: Either we are moving forward (or deeper) in Him, or backwards into sin; there is no standing still. My friend, A., is moving very slowly, as I'm sure some of your friends are, that if not in prayer, I might have written her off. While we don't hide who we are or what the Bible teaches, let's not get caught up in fighting physical battles that are in truth, spiritual ones. The enemy doesn't care how we get off track; whether it's remaining unsaved or being so "deeper life" that we forget whence we come.

Here's a thought: I wonder where I would be today, if 30 years ago, the two ladies from my church, who saw me smash my cigarette butt on the ground (in front of the Christian bookstore - seriously :), would have decided I wasn't worthy of God's Grace or Love?

Believing in Miracles: Part V; Doubt and Danger

If only I had a Christian writing cabin in Colorado....When I decided to write a brief "summary," as mentioned in part IV, I bit off more than I could write to do the miracle topic justice. I want to encourage Christians that miracles happen more frequently than we realize and to be able to recognize them at work in our lives, regardless of the doctrinal quagmire created by religious folk.  Jesus spoke about them in John 10 when He told of the works that He did in His Father's name, and still they didn't believe.  Let's not allow our faith to be held captive by those who attempt to take the Word of God, the promises of Christ, and the power of the Holy Spirit and grind it down to deceptive philosophy, human tradition, and worldly principles (Colossians 2:7,8).  Recognizing miracles at work in our lives can be a faith-booster, a comfort knowing that God is intimately involved in our daily struggles, and, now that we've entered the end-times, a necessity.

As awesome as miracles can be, for many they are a temporary inducement of faith-building. Scriptures admonishes us to "remember" them, because we are so easily sidetracked with daily woes after they occur (I Chronicles 16:12, Nehemiah 9:17, Psalm 105:5, 106:7). Although, it's paramount that our faith needs to be rooted in Christ - not the miracle itself. One example of miracle amnesia is in the two stories of feeding the multitudes. In Matthew 14, the disciples witness the provision of food for over 5,000 people from only five loaves of bread and two fish. The following chapter finds the apostles wondering how they could possibly feed a crowd of 4,000 plus. WHAT? How does one forget the first time that happens, even if it occurred months or years previously, and not understand that Christ can provide again? Or even worse, where were the throngs of healed and delivered souls while Christ was being crucified for them?

Does a person need to be a Christian to receive a miracle from Christ? No! The Lord gladly turns His blessings to the unbeliever, especially when Christians lack faith or believe the miracle-worker doesn't fit their doctrinal image. In Luke 4, Jesus rebukes the doubting Thomases when He reminds them about Elijah and Elisha's miracle ministries to the widow in Zarephath and Naaman the Syrian. Perhaps the Nazarenes expected Jesus to ride in with a fleet of donkeys and staff of workers, carrying a to-go cup of wine, and sporting a goatee.  How dare the carpenter's boy come back home, plain of face, and poor, rebuking them by insinuating that the unwashed were more deserving to receive a miracle than they! The nerve.

When Jesus healed the paralytic (John 5:6-5), the religious people could only focus on the fact that the man was carrying his mat while WALKING on the Sabbath, and when confronted, the healed man passed the buck saying, "The man who made me well" told me to do it. Lets step back: He's been crippled, possibly since infancy, and one day a Man walks up to him, asks if he wants to be made well, and heals him instantly. Instead of shouting and running for joy, grateful that this Man took the time to change his life, he becomes fearful, defensive, and downplays the healing to his legalistic friends. Yikes. No wonder Jesus later said to him, "Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you." Interesting: We can experience an incredible miracle, but later reap a severe punishment, if we don't repent in response to God's mercy.

Miracles do not guarantee faith in Christ. John 11 describes a human condition that is especially relevant in America today - the idols of power and money. The Lord was performing miracles that the übber pious clearly acknowledged, but they were trying to stop Him because of the repercussions. They realized that all attempts to squelch the situation only perpetuated in making more converts. The concern wasn't so much losing Jewish believers to Christ, but losing their political and financial standing in the city. They saw the power of Christ, but their hearts remained hardened. Matthew 11 and Luke 10 both warn about the severity of exercising such unbelief in light of the miraculous.

Here's a scary thought: A "Christian" who is prominent in the ministry, possibly a successful author, public speaker, and gifted with great power and miracles, is told by the Lord, "I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoer" (Matthew 7:23)! Wouldn't it seem that if they were operating from an evil place, perhaps keeping big chunks of the offering for personal toys and vacations, philandering, or puffed up with pride, that God would remove the gift of miracles from those people?  The sorcerer, Simon, (Acts 8:9-24) saw a great opportunity for power and potential income when he asked for the gift of the laying hands of people to receive the Holy Spirit. He tricked some, who believed his witchcraft was from God, but wanted to add this new skill to his repertoire - he was soundly rebuked by Peter. Why did God save Simon from operating in the gifts sinfully, but not those in Matthew 7:23?

Apparently, certain religious miscreants are empowered by the Beast. They can deceive (Revelation 13:14, 19:20), but Jesus himself said, "no one who will perform a miracle in My name can in the next moment say anything bad about me for whoever is not against us is for us" (Mark 9:39,40). I've suspected that a few "Men of Faith" are charlatans, although, I haven't followed non-Christians who perform miracles, like Pharaoh's magicians. Perhaps we should always look for the "tag" (such as those attached to the inside of a shirt), "Miracle: By Jesus Christ." Further, if we're not living right and dabble in deliverances without the right heart - beware! Imagine being beaten up and having our clothes torn off because we were seeking the thrill of power and not edifying the brethren or glorifying God (Acts 19:15,16)!

Lastly, there are miracles that will happen in the future. Revelation 11 speaks of a people who are not killable, can control nature, and able to strike the earth with plagues. What horrible future awaits us when our own must send plagues throughout the earth? And those who try to harm them must die! Folders, those of us who write and talk about the end time persecution, especially from our Lazy-Boys, need to pray against deception. Matthew 24:24 tells us the false messiahs and prophets will appear so genuine that even the elect will be susceptible to deception.  Twice in Revelations the Lord tells us our survival will require "patient endurance and faithfulness on the part of the saints" (13:10); and "patient endurance on the part of the saints who obey God's commandments and remain faithful to Jesus" (14:12). To be part of this company of miracle workers in Revelation 11, or even support them, will mean alienation from society and possible death (Revelation 11:7-10).  Revelation 13 speaks of the anti-Christ spirit, which will enable an evil person or company to perform "great and miraculous signs, even causing fire to come down from heaven to earth in full view of men...(and)...he (or they) deceived the inhabitants of the earth (v.13,14).

Not wanting to step on anyone's doctrinal toes, I think we can all agree that the end time miracles are going to be spectacular and dangerous. The ability for the saints to endure, remain faithful and obedient, will be a miracle in itself. My e-friend, Dave Wagner, briefly addresses the "why" of the Holocaust, as in, how it could possibly happen. Simple, I believe it's the love of self - not relinquishing our will to God. Too easy? Sorry, but the prescription for preparing and enduring during horrendous times is to not, "love (our) lives so much as to shrink from death" (Revelations 12:11). That means we remain faithful and obedient regardless of the loss of our family, money, possessions, and lives - starting today. The end-time persecution will be like the Holocaust on steroids, today is the day of preparation.

As always, Fellow Folders, I encourage you to study the scriptures for your own understanding, but I'll attempt to summarize what I have learned. Miracles are not an end unto themselves, but they act as a conduit for the Spirit to provide the following: Salvation, belief in Christ, Glory to the Father, manifesting the Kingdom to the world, exhibiting God's kindness and goodness, for the common good, repentance, healing, deliverance, igniting faith, aid, help, repentance, punishment, and the testing of our hearts. We will have to be rock-solid in our relationship with Christ to discern between the miracles wrought in  Christ's name and those performed by Satan.  Remember, Matthew 7:21-22 tells of those who performed miracles in Jesus' name but were considered evildoers. The test is that the person or group cannot speak evil of Jesus after performing a miracle in His name (Marks 9:39), so the key then is to discern what "speaking evil" looks like. Could it include what is happening today - the doctrine that grace allows us to sin freely, disregarding the commandments of God, and still be saved and ministering? That doctrine opposes the the remedy for surviving the end-times, which clearly includes obeying God's commands (Revelation 14:12). If, after just reading the previous sentence, you have just deduced that I come from a works-based religion, and don't understand the grace of God, I tell you in Christian love and Jesus' name - you are already in great danger, based upon what the scriptures say.

Let's pray. Lord, we repent for the times we've desired the miraculous more than relationship with You. We know that none of us are immune to deception and we ask that you open our eyes to the areas that the enemy has a toe-hold in our lives, and so we don't become like those who turned a blind eye to the sufferings of the Jews during the Holocaust.  Lord, in the future, during the Christian Holocaust, we may need to be fed by ravens, or require other miracles to survive and run our race, we ask that You gift us accordingly. Above all else, we ask that Your will be done in each of our lives.  Amen.

Are you ready?                                          

Believing in Miracles: Part IV; Types

One thing about being a Folder, life is never dull.

My wrist is healing, but my elbow is on fire. The doctor is sending me to a specialist. This all sounds fine and dandy except that: I have to attend a minimum of two physical therapies a week and see the doctor. I don't receive pay for this, so I am losing some of my already small weekly cache. If I don't meet those requirements, I lose the benefits.  The struggle at work is frustrating - and I always end up doing too much, which, by the way, could cause me to violate the doctor's orders and release the store from it's financial obligation. I've been pondering the irritating Christian adage: When God closes a door, He opens the window. Brother, sister, my cell has neither, so I'm praying that God will blast the roof off this work situation. The doctor, in his careful, "I can't say too much" way said, "Have you thought of another line of work?" Hmmm, does applying for over 100 jobs, and trying to network with every customer who comes to my department count?  The bottom line, I believe that a breakthrough is near and I will be so excited to share the news with my faithful few!

My Mom had her gallbladder out last week and she is recovery slowly. The sibs didn't call to see how she was, send her flowers, card, etc...This makes my heart so heavy, as I know how much pain it causes Mom.  Then we received news three nights ago that my brother suffered another severe stroke and Mom is so distraught. Isn't a Mother's love amazing? Her kids don't give her the time of day, and she still cares so much. I took the day off from work, washed and styled her hair, and drove her to the hospital where she struggled to walk to the ICU.  Did God know what He was doing when He moved me out here or what?  God is Good!

I've been attending a Bible Study with some ladies that I met last spring. It is such a huge blessing to be able to spend time with such sweet, dedicated Christians. My leader is from my hometown and we have mutual acquaintances - coincidence? I think not. The teaching is basic, but I am praying to understand God's direction in bringing me to the group. I've always been so self-focused, I sometimes forget to consider what "younger" Christians may need. This article by David Wilkerson really shouted at me when I read it, perhaps it may be an encouragement to you, too.

Oddly enough, the topic of the Bible Study is "Spiritual Gifts Discovery." I completed a questionnaire, as did three of my friends regarding their observations of my past ministry involvement, and the results were all very similar! Gifts from the Holy Spirit are assigned by God, but we are encouraged to eagerly desire the greater gifts (I Corinthians 12:31, 14:1). The gifts my friends observed, while accurate, don't exclude additional gifts, as God is always on the move and each season may require other gifts to serve the body.

Today I wanted to talk about the types of miracles (also referred to as signs and wonders). As previously mentioned, popular Apologists have broken down the types of miracles in to 74 easy steps (ugh) and during my research it became disheartening to read ANY of the commentaries attached to the various scriptures and Greek/Hebrew definitions. I cannot understand why some Christian people are so bent on taking the word of God, the glory of His wonders, and dissecting them into unbelief or unempowered happenstance.

Miracles cover a broad range of supernatural experiences. Controlling nature, including weather, planets, land, and animals are attributes of miracles. Some Biblical examples are: Parting the Red Sea; the Nile turning to blood and the other plagues in Egypt; withholding rain; famines; and darkness covering the land when Jesus was crucified (not to mention the simultaneous ripping of the veil in the temple). Involvement in our everyday needs such as food, money, and care. Examples include:  Elijah providing oil (money) for the widow at Zarephath; Jesus multiplying bread and fish to feed thousands; and tax money found in the mouth of the fish.

Here's what I finnd interesting: Miracles seem to umbrella the gifts of healing and deliverance. Paul's healing handkerchief was referred to as a miracle. When Jesus' visited his hometown, Mark states that the only miracles that Jesus could perform were a few healings because of the lack of faith by the hometown folk. I Corithinians 12 lists the gifts of miracles and healing separately, so I conclude that if one embodies the gift of miracles, it includes anything supernatural that changes the laws of nature: Animal, vegetable, mineral, and the human body and spirit.

As to the types of miracles that are to appear during the times of the two witnesses, my pea brain cannot imagine what they might be, I know they are only to give God the glory and serve others for the common good. Additionally, if they are administered without love, they not only resemble a resounding gong or clanging cymbal (annoying), but God may decide He never knew those who performed them (this will be covered in the last two sections).

David Wilkerson believes there are two types of miracles: Instantaneous and progressive. Instantaneous is the immediate recognition of the miracle, such as a sudden healing or rain immediately stopping. The progressive is the more challenging miracle and that is why many Christians keep a journal. We ask for a miracle but God takes time setting all the chess pieces into place so that by the time it occurs, we often  forget it's a miraculous answer to prayer! Remember when God withheld rain for three years, only to have Elijah pray for its return? I have been the recipient of both types, and will share them in the final installment.

Much to my delight, my daughter told me she really enjoyed the way I write my blog. Balancing solid scriptural information in an easy to read format is my goal. I've surfed other sites, and while I can easily follow their line of thought, my blog is intended for those who know their Bible well and are looking for Biblical support and camaraderie for their end-time lives. This was confirmed while trying to wade through the threads on a topical Biblical site. Bless their souls, quoting so much scripture without living through the American fiery trials to back them up - dead.

I want to encourage you to make time for prayer and earnestly desire God's gifts. I write that as much to myself as to you. If God's words are written on our hearts, and the time comes when we are without our Bibles, we can still cling to His promises through prayer, faith, and the operation of His gifts. Last year I mentioned a disturbing dream I had suggesting the intensifying persecution headed to America will, in part, come from other "Christians." As I've been reading the writings of other Christians, the Lord has chillingly confirmed this (as does Revelations!). Let's continue in repentance and the enemy will not have toe-hold on our lives. That doesn't mean we will escape the trouble, but we will come through it and hear the glorious words, "Well done, good and faithful servant!"

Believing in Miracles: Part III; Why Miracles?

I am fairly addicted to SermonIndex.com and should have had this up sooner, but you know where I live and can come and check back every so often....

It's amazing to listen to Tozar, Wurmbrand, Wilkerson, Ravenhill, and many other Powerhouses for God. The site includes a discussion forum, and while I don't visit often, it's such a comfort to know that there are so many dedicated Christians in cyberland. Sometimes one can feel like Elijah (I Kings 19), sitting in a chair, feeling like a failure (forgetting great victories), saying, "God, no one cares that I'm here, I don't fit in anywhere, and there are no churches preaching Biblical Truths. I've given you my life and yet I feel hopeless." God told him that 7,000 godly people were scattered around, Elijah just hadn't met them. Disclaimer: Some contributors love their doctrine, and some are long-winded, but it's heartening to read about their passion for God.

Speaking about Elijah, who was foremost a prophet, we also know he performed amazing miracles prior to his time of depression and exhaustion mentioned above. Why does God allow miracles, first through the prophets, then through Christ and the apostles, and, finally, the body of Christ? Psalm 77:14 states that it is to display God's power among the people, and Psalm 106:7 equates them with God's kindness to His people. Jesus taught that miracles asked for in His name would be granted "so that the Son may bring glory to the Father" (John 14:13). Further, God authorized Christ to do miracles, wonders, and signs to prove Jesus, His Son, was accredited by God (Acts 2:22).

Hebrews 2:4 tells us that God uses miracles as a testament to His Salvation through Christ - according to His Will. Apparently, all sources of miracles begin with the Will of God. This can be confusing for Fellow Folders. Should I pray for Aunt Marge's healing, what if it's not God's will, even though He forgives all our sins and heals all our diseases" (Psalm 103:3)? I like the way S.D. Gordon views this conundrum, "Prayer surely does influence God. It does not influence His purpose. It does influence His action." I agree, and I think to help understand this we should turn to 2 Kings 20.

King Hezekiah was very ill, and the prophet, Isaiah, confirmed his death was imminent. Leaving the castle, God instructs Isaiah to turn back and heal Hezekiah. God had heard the King's cries, and decided to use Isaiah to heal him, adding another 15 years to a life that had been dedicated to restoring proper worship of the Lord throughout Judah. Was that God's will, or purpose? Yes, just unfolding differently. It was His will, and he used Hezekiah's developing pride and arrogance as a last straw that brought down judgment on his kingdom.  The miracle created a small butterfly effect for their world, but did not change God's long-term plans for Israel and the preparation of His Son's appearance. His extended life revealed pride and arrogance in Hezekiah's previously righteous heart. If Hezekiah had said, "Not my will but Thine but be done," and had died, I wonder what would have been different? II Chronicles 32:26 said he eventually did repent, which postponed the Babylonian invasion during Hezekiah's lifetime, and God's Will was still accomplished. Kind of heavy thinking for my soft gray matter.

Miracles are glorious and they are intended to increase our faith in God and Christ, not to dazzle us with the supernatural.  Jesus admonishes the people, "Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves" (John 14:11). The implication here is that God uses miracles for those weaker in faith, to testify on behalf of Christ and confirm His authority. Miracles are used to encourage new believers. In I Corinthians 12, Paul says spiritual gifts are used to contrast the mute pagan idols, that didn't do or say anything for their followers in response to their "worship." Remember the lather that Ahab and Jezebel's "priests" worked themselves into trying to incite the idol Baal to send down fire (I Kings 18)? Elijah taunted them, "Maybe he's out of town or taken a Tylenol PM - shout a little louder!"

Having mentioned the "will" conflict before,  I usually pray before I pray, because I only want God's best, the best for others, and don't want to interfere with God's Will. I have to be honest, I don't always "sense" God's will, so I will pray to the request but, in addition, that God's Will be done. Or, if I discern something about that particular person, I pray what I discern rather than the actual request. During the great tribulation, those gifted (the spirit of the Two Witnesses) will be doing miracles that we can't imagine! Revelations 11 speaks of them, but their end will be gruesome. Those miracles will be for the saints who are hanging on to their faith by a thread, perhaps hungry, sick, or persecuted. Hopefully, they will cause many to believe and turn to the Lord.

This is a rough sketch, but I'll summarize the "why" of miracles: They are to bring glory to the Father; God uses selected saints, filled with the Holy Spirit, in the name of Jesus, to perform miracles for the common good of believers (I Corinthians 12:7,11); to implement His Will (Hebrews 2:4); and as evidence so that all might believe. The bottom line is that if we are living in God's Will, living a repentant life (lest we, too, be deceived, Matthew 24:24), are gifted with miracles, we are to to represent Jesus here on earth by performing the same miracles, and in the future, greater miracles - remembering and trusting that God's plans and purpose will never change.

It's astounding how writers, Apologists, preachers, and teachers can complicate this topic. Working two jobs, and being a layman, I'm trying to keep it succinct, but in doing so, I know I'm missing examples. Please forgive me. Further, I have been perusing writing websites, and apologize for past, present, and future grammatical errors :).

Please pray and ask God to show you your gift(s). As the times continue to darken, we Fellow Folders need to be operating in the gifts - for each other and for the lost and dying world. There are pitfalls, but I will address them in the next installment.

Interesting sidebar: I sprained my wrist, pulled a ligament, and broke the surrounding blood vessels at work, so I had to leave and see a workman's comp doctor. My elbow hurts so bad that I wake up at night from the pain (that was an on-going work related injury that I had not reported for fear of losing my job). Interestingly, I've prayed for the elbow before and it never healed. I've been thinking about the many ways God's Will or purpose could play out by not healing the elbow immediately:

1. I go to work, with restrictions, while everything heals over time, irritating my coworkers because I can't lift.

2. They assign me to another task, realize that I have half a brain, and transfer me over to a better, more interesting job requiring less physical work.

3.  I am punished for reducing their annual bonuses and made to door greet eight hours a day (they receive substantial bonuses and injury $ is deducted from that pool). The managers have been a little cold the last few days. Hopefully, it's just a misperception. But, there are ways to drive an employee to quit.

4. The doctor says I can't lift for an extended period of time and I go on disability.

5. Another job opens up that doesn't cause permanent damage to my elbow or wrist. 

I trust God, He may have something planned that I haven't even thought of - let's see what happens!

PS: Still waiting to hear from that 11 year old's family.........

Believing in Miracles: Part II; Live and in Color

Crazy "coincidence." I have recently spent 20 or so hours formally studying miracles, I post part one of results, and then last night happened. See, I'm already rearranging my outline :).

I was working at my Big Box store, and a frustrated Dad and son came in needing wall patch repair supplies and paint. To determine the patch size, he showed me pictures on his phone of the holes, and, having done this for three years, I looked up at him and asked what the heck happened. His 11 year old boy, standing a few feet away, looking like any other 11 year old, apparently had kicked multiple holes in the walls, with great force. I asked, "What's going on?" While I gathered the appropriate supplies, the Dad tells me about a year ago the son started exhibiting strange and aggressive behavior, resulting in costly repairs in their home and in the community.  Dad was at his wits' end, saying, "I can't do this anymore."

Not even knowing if they were Christians, I told him that it doesn't have to be this way, and that his boy can be healed.  I asked if his church elders had prayed for the boy. Not only has his church prayed, but he drove the boy to some fancy schmancy Christian who has a healing ministry (you know me, I didn't recognize the name, but apparently he is BIG in healing circles). No deliverance. They've taken him to doctors, who can't decide if it's bi-polar, or a myriad of other issues, and medicines aren't relieving the symptoms.

I "saw" in the boy's eyes that something was wrong with him, but I "saw" that his heart was good, and I asked God what the issue was while I was mixing their paint. I didn't get a clear response, but I did believe that the boy could be healed (or, delivered) and that God wanted me to pray for him. There were other customers milling about, but obedience to God always makes a way. Just at that time, the Dad received a phone call and walked away to chat. I leaned across the counter, and asked the boy how he felt. He said, "I feel like crap." I asked him if he wanted to be different, and would he like me to pray - twice. Both times he responded, "Yes." I held his hand, and prayed a short simple prayer. Then I put my hand on his head and asked God to be with him all the days of his life. My heart was aching for the pain he lived with, and a few tears spilled out, but I had to keep it together so I could be professional for other customers. Interestingly, no other person approached the desk while I prayed.

As they were leaving, the Dad thanked me for praying for his boy, and I said, "No problem, he has a good heart." The healing may be just as much for Dad as for the son, as I suspect he is contemplating ways of escape. Nonetheless, if they come back with a good report, I shall let you know. I believe God heard and answered my prayer, but I've always been concerned about others attributing a healing or answer to prayer to me. I never want people to be confused about who the real healer is - God through Christ. Years ago I prayed that God would "tag" these situations. You know how a shirt has a tag sewn into the back of the neck, indicating who made the shirt? I want God to tag these answers to prayer, "Made by God through Christ." When I was younger, I read a book entitled, "God's Generals," which, by the way is fantastic. Story after story reveals the pitfalls of putting God's gifts into earthen vessels. I don't want to be a casualty, and while many of my prayers have been answered, I've enjoyed anonymity. For a men-pleaser, who battles with pride, you understand the potential for deception. I continue to repent anytime I notice these devils showing up, because I never want to disappoint my Father.

My first experience with praying for healing was 23 years ago. I was at McDonalds with my 2 year old and infant. They had just installed the swivel-type of chairs, prior to that they were stationary. My daughter stood on the chair, propped her hands on the table, and twisted back and forth. I firmly told her to sit properly because she was going to fall. She couldn't resist one more twist, and fell to the ground.  I heard a "crack" sound as her head hit the tile. Immediately a large, egg-like purple bump formed. I was so scared. Their Dad was out of town, we didn't have health insurance, and I imagined the worst possible head trauma problems. I sat her on my lap, and put my hand over the egg-bump. I prayed that God would heal her head. It was amazing, the bump slowly receded, until her forehead was smooth, leaving only a slight bruise mark. She was repentant (mostly because she saw her Mommy so distressed), and continued on as if nothing had happened.

I plan to share stories at the end of the Miracle Series, being on the receiving end, but I wanted to share this one while it was fresh. Partly, as a testimony to God, but also, I have a tendency to forget the wonderful things that God has done (that pesky PTSD that I was diagnosed with five years ago), and I have decided to start recording them - stones of remembrance. Also, I am hoping that the family will come back and let me know what changes their son has exhibited, which I will then pass on to you as an encouragement!

In the past, I would have prayed silently for the boy. But, I told God that I wanted to work for Him, and if it means while I'm mixing paint - so be it. We'll see if any of the customers complain to the manager, I live in an area that has both staunch patriotic believers and long-time atheistic people.

Back to work....

Believing in Miracles: Part I

Fellow Folders! Good morning.  I have been traipsing through lots of personal stuff, study, work, and as promised, I am crafting my "Miracles" post. The topic is too large for one entry, so I hope you stay with me. The reason I have chosen to write about miracles is that a Biblical understanding will be a helpful tool during the last days for strengthening our faith in a time when the world will be in mass confusion. Personally, I think we will need to know the difference between the Holy Spirit miracle and the counterfeit. And, honestly, I would like to live in the world of the miraculous, not for vainglorious reasons, but to feel nearer to my most awesome God. Like receiving a love note, reminding me that He is taking care of me and that I don't have to finish the race by myself - a faith-booster shot. Disclaimer:  I'm not a theologian, just a Christian lady minding her own business, when God decided to enlist me in another program. My study is as much of an encouragement for me, as I hope it will be for you, too.

Oxford's definition of a miracle is "an extraordinary and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore attributed to a divine agency." I spent hours researching scholarly apologetics, and found that some Ph.D.'s, in their sincere attempts to clarify the miraculous, have talked themselves into unbelief. They believe that the violation of the scientific law of nature must be so spectacular, such as the parting of the Red Sea, and be witnessed by multiple people, that anything less is not miraculous.  Job chapters 5 & 9 speak of miracles that can't be counted, indicating that some are not so grandiose that they register 10 on the Miracle Richter Scale.  Strong's Greek definition for miracle includes "sign, token, wonder." If one of Paul's handkerchiefs was given to an old lady living alone, and she was healed, could that be more of a "sign" or "token" miracle than a "wonder" (Acts 19)? Where does it say that the miraculous can't be simple? To me, any intervention from God on my behalf is momentous, large or small, and greatly cherished.

Jesus' first recorded miracle, changing water in to wine at a wedding, is mentioned in John 2:1-11. What I found most intriguing was his mother's involvement. Mary had to have known her son's capabilities because she approached him with the problem. Why? He was a guest, not the host and, as a carpenter, I doubt he had pocket change to purchase approximately 180 gallons of high quality wine. Mary instructed the servants to do whatever he asked, so, who knows what miracles she had already witnessed in the privacy of their own home prompting her to make such a request of her son?

Then, of course, there are those that believe that miracles no longer exist or are necessary, citing I Corinthians 13:9,10. "That which is perfect," is doctrinally translated as the Bible, hence, now that we have the Bible we no longer need miracles.  If you read the rest of the chapter, it's referencing Jesus' return, when we'll see Him "face to face" (v.12).  For an unpoetic book, referencing the Bible as having a face doesn't fit. Another perspective is that we now have a better understanding of science so our Ph.D.'s can offer scientific explanations for what these ancient folk attributed to as miraculous. C.S. Lewis states that thousands of years ago society "knew that people who died, stayed dead." Lazerus and Jesus were both dead, and then days later were seen by hundreds of people in public, so advanced knowledge of the heart and brain would not have changed the fact that dead is dead.

This is in no way exhaustive, and I could fill the screen with lots of Greek and Hebrew verbs and multiple passages, but I want you to get the gist. I encourage those who have time to continue their own study. My hope is that I don't move on to the other parts, only to find that I neglected to introduce proper foundation - that's the type A in me: Watch Me Break This Down In To 50 Easy Steps.

During this sojourn, in addition to books and my Bible, I've used some very helpful free online tools that I'd like to pass on to you:

BibleGateway.com

Biblios.com

Biblicaltraining.org 

Apologetics 315 

SermonIndex.net

The Veritas Forum 

 Miracles are not necessary to believe or a replacement for faith. We continue to fix our eyes on not on what is seen, but what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal (2 Corinthians 4:18). Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed (John 20:29). Lord willing, the next posts will cover the purpose and recognition of miracles, types, and personal testimony of those that I have experienced.

See you soon.....

Hello, Fellow Folders! I did not forget about you, in fact, I have been praying much about the blog and the faithful few. The post I am currently working on is taking longer than anticipated. I liken my post-writing to a funnel: Poured in to the top of the funnel includes the information currently preached to the American Christian; doctrinal myths and gold nuggets; heavy Bible input; prayer to sift out the nonsense; and finally, presenting a condensed, blog-length version of what a 100-Folder will find useful now and in the days to come. I hope to have it done in the next week, so stay tuned!

A young woman from work asked me out to lunch last week, desiring to learn about God. Honestly, I thought she would cancel, but when I showed up at Chili's she and her toddler were sitting at a table waiting for me. No matter how often it happens, I'm always surprised to meet young people who have been raised without any knowledge of the Lord. In fact, I overheard one woman in the break room say that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were lovers, which I assumed she "learned" from the Da Vinci Code movies. In just two generations, our American foundation has been jackhammered apart. People can't fathom how the Holocaust happened....but without God, there's no moral thermometer to measure righteousness, and the stage can easily be set again.  I read a comment a young "Christian" posted on FaceBook stating that she does what is right for her and doesn't preach to others what is right for them, and after a slew of comments in response to her statement, she threw out the "don't judge" catchall phrase. There is great danger when we, or weak, ineffective non-biblical teaching, becomes our moral foundation.

My heart has been so heavy these past weeks, probably another reason for not posting. Before a change, I sense it is coming, but must remain vigilant in prayer and repentance. I am trying to decide if it's God's new endeavor is solely for me, or my family, too.  He hasn't said who are included, so I have directed them to pray and hear what He is saying to them. When it all flushes out, I will keep you posted (never can resist a pun), but it's difficult to walk out my parallel lives.

Simply put, God wants me to adapt to the new things He's doing. I am old enough to understand what the church has been like for many decades, and young enough to see that much of it is failing to bring forth the kind of men and women of God that will have to pass through the fires that I have walked. These precious people are sincere, but woefully ill-equipped to withstand the wiles that the enemy, who even now, is setting up scenarios to cause their hearts to grow cold when their tribulation really kicks in to gear. Regardless of which theology you embrace, we all can agree that the walls are closing in on Christians. God doesn't waste suffering and chastening: Part of the reason I lived my American house of horrors is so that I could come along side my brothers and sisters in Christ and say, "Be strong" (Isaiah 41:6). God took my heart back to that place, for a brief moment during prayer, and the pain was so intense and overwhelming. Two things went through my mind: How did I make it, and how will they make it?

I barely made it.

An easy, "sensible" alternative will be waiting on the side-lines for those who decide to take it, but behind the facade is the enemy,  luring them to escape the riches and glories that await those who are obedient.

That said, I promise that this is not doom and gloom. Yes, it will require tremendous prayer and repentance, but it will be a glorious adventure, sprinkled with miracles, and resulting in an intimate relationship with the Father that can be found no other way. A "brother in the Lord" recently shook his head slowly, side to side, wondering about how he will make it in the days to come. I said, "Don't worry, I went before you so that I could help you." That isn't entirely true - he will have to sacrifice his will and way, keep his eyes on God, and pray like sixty - then I can encourage him.

My prayer life is exploding with surprising awarenesses. In speaking to two different men of great faith, both confirmed that something new is on the horizon for my life. One likened the heaviness on my heart to the strain and stretching of an archer's bow, as it it pulled back taut and tense, when released it will powerfully fly forth to God's target. Isn't that an awesome picture?

I'm spending so much time in prayer and study, I have little time between that and working full-time to craft this blog. I asked God again if I should continue, and I believe He's saying yes. The post I'm working on is about miracles, and I have listened to enough philosophical and apologetic teaching regarding the topic that I wonder how some of these people can get dressed by themselves in the morning. So, until it's completed, I just wanted you to know I haven't been a fickle poster, but earnestly desiring to present excellent Bible-jerky for you to chew on to counteract the pablum that is so freely offered at the Lord's table in America.

Bless you and may God strengthen you for the days to come.

Dream Big!

What?!!! I accidentally posted an unfinished, unedited piece.....Oy. Here's the completed version.

I rarely tool around the stats offered by Blogger, but I was surprised to learn that I have logged 25 posts. I don't want anything to sway the the content of my writing, I just observe, live, pray, think, and mull. Kinda surprised me, as a newbie, that I had that much to say.

Today I want to take us on an awareness journey. Sounds a little new agey, but I promise that I am the antithesis of new age. I have new age pals, I know the rhetoric and I love them just as they are, but, don't worry that I'll suggest praying to your inner self or ohm. Here area some of the areas I would like to address:

1. If we know we should pray more, why don't we?

2. If we know we need to change, repent, (you fill in the black), why don't we?

3. If we want a different life, the one God intended, why don't we take the steps to get it? 

Change is difficult for most individuals. As a lay person, I have studied the topic both from a managerial angle and a Christian perspective, to understand others and myself. This week I popped in to Barnes and Noble to kill time between appointments and strolled through the aisles. How can there be so many secrets to personal success? Closer walks with God? Stronger business acumen? Keys to perfect health? Logically, if an author's claim is true, that the secrets are contained in his or her book, than why are there so many books on the shelf? Wouldn't we all purchase the same book, negating the need for the others?

After years of survival mode, I finally waived the white flag. The stressors were drowning this over-coming Christian. So much change, often painful, in such a short time. Thank God for God, I wouldn't have survived on my own.

As a 100 Fold Christian, I have prayed much. God brought me through the sufferings of Christ, according to His will, often times tearing me to pieces. Sorry if that steps on anyone's doctrine, but if you haven't been shred, you are not a Fellow Folder (Hosea 6:1-2). Or, perhaps I needed more work than you :). It doesn't mean we flagellate ourselves, but rather God orchestrates our lives into a series of events which force us to our knees, revealing the resident sin that delights in church attendance, potlucks, and all outward appearances of piety (I Sam 15:22). As a young Christian Mom, I would pray up to two hours in the morning before the kids awoke. Over the past years I have encountered the prayer battle and found myself thinking, "I should pray more." Because I want God's will, I didn't know how to pray. Focusing solely on loved ones and current problems actually became a deterrent - all that praying seemed to result in further shredding. Like touching a hot stove, over and over.

Oh, I still pray. But not like I THINK I SHOULD BE. Wait, who made me the prayer police? Hmmmm, I guess I elected myself.

I think I know what God is telling me: Quit running the show; wake up every morning with a thankful heart; look for Me in the situation and place I have put you in; tell me the desires of your heart, but not how you want them to happen; dream big; realize that it is in your lack of physical strength, poverty, and state of lowliness, that I do My best work; exercise your faith, risk, and believe that all things work together for good! Prayer is knowing God first, His will, and THEN all the rest follows. Focus on relationship. "The most important thing in any prayer is not what we say to God, but what God says to us" (North Carolina Christian Advocate).

In return, God will show me new and wonderful things. In fact, I was so engulfed in one family emergency after the other (none as a result of our own doing), that I wasn't experiencing the joy of giving to others. Self-centered by accident (OK, and part Adam). God is encouraging me to look for opportunities to share, give, and bless. As mentioned before, when you're hanging from the bottom rung of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, jumping from the bottom to the top is only possible with the Spirt of God. The top of the Christian pyramid means we have enough "New Creation" to give of ourselves, love generously, not be put off by the minutia of the day, focus on the Glory of God and what His will is for the day.

I was not relishing the privilege, the love, the glory, the excitement, the adventure of walking and talking with God. Seeing the day through His eyes. I'm not going to write a how to list, because I can't. My life's purpose is different from yours. This morning I asked God to help me recognize His miracles. They happen every day, but we expect them all to be healing from cancer, or other momentous feats. In fact, I just listened to a famous preacher say that if it isn't parting large bodies of water, it isn't a miracle. This morning at 6:00AM a Hispanic gentleman was ordering paint. We commiserated about how hard we both worked, and I shared with him that one of the common denominators of successful CEO's was getting eight hours of sleep. I suggested that he find an assistant, get proper rest, and no cerveca (my contractors like to drink, as they say, "It's beer:30 somewhere in the world."). He shared that he quit drinking five years ago, and how happy his wife is now. That may not seem like a miracle to you, but perhaps that was just what he needed to hear - hire a college aged assistant to help him, summer is right around the corner and someone will need work - cheap. I am defining that as a miracle. That man, in desperate need from exhaustion, heard just the words he needed to hear, from some lady mixing paint.

Do we believe the Bible? Do we read the Bible? Do we seek out fellowship with like-minded and attend the slowly disappearing church? I say that because I understand the "church" that we have created is not the same as the "church" in the Bible, in fact, much of what is preached is not in the Bible. My pastor likens doctrine to the scaffolding that helps build the new creation in each person. It seems that the scaffolding is no longer constructed of steel, but rather bamboo. Can you build a sky scraper while standing on dry, brittle, bamboo? America's religious foundation is deteriorating, and God put me out in the middle of no where to train for the day when Fellow Folders can't find a like-minded Bible church or may not be welcome in a watered down version of one.

Today is the day of my salvation. I had a "dream" several weeks ago. I was pregnant and in danger of losing the baby. P & N, two of the best Christians you'll every meet, were by my side to make sure I was safe. My first thought while awake was, "Me in danger, of losing my new creation?" Preposterous.   I am a Folder, after all. Wrong. Philippians 2:12 says that Diz is to work out her salvation with "fear and trembling." After much chatting with the Father, He revealed that men-pleasing was my serious repentance issue. I have mentioned it before, I know it is a problem, but no more pussy-footing around. Harvard Business Review's posted an outstanding piece, "The Thought-Patterns of Success," which is easily converted to a Christian perspective (I actually wonder if the writer is a Christian). I printed it out, and every morning during prayer, I read it. I repent. And I practice it at work. When I feel that creepy, "OOOO, people are disappointed with me, they are criticizing me, they are talking about me, they don't recognize what a fabulous employee I am" (all, by the way, may be true), I repent! I refuse to be led around by the enemy. God is my judge. God tells me my value, my purpose, my success, my self-worth, my sins - not the monkeys I work with. What good am I to God if I am easily side-tracked by other people's opinions? Think of all the stalwart Bible characters, did they operate based on the opinion of others?

That may not be your trip, but I shared it to encourage you to ask God about your repentance, and to get moving. Time is of the essence, dear Folder. We need all the strength of the Spirit we can store up to withstand the coming days.

Lastly, if I believe God is able, and I do, than why am I muddling around, discouraged in a mediocre Christian walk? It's because of me, not God. He has set a feast before me and I choose saltine crackers instead. Addressing issues one and two above, will certainly enable us to arrive at three. It doesn't necessarily mean our surroundings change, providing a new life, it means God opens our eyes to see our life from His perspective. Last night, at 1:00AM, I spent 1/2 hour trying to get my Mom off the floor, and I finally had to call 911. Six giant fireman crowded in her bedroom and put her in to bed. All that to say, my life hasn't suddenly become glamorous, writing from cushy circumstances, like many of our published brethren.  I am fixing my eye on Christ (Hebrews 12:2), focusing on the unseen (2 Corinthians 4:13), measuring my success by His standards - that of eternal value.

Ask God to open your eyes to see your life how He sees it, and be willing to do your part. I remembering seeing a picture in my kids' book, fashioned after the verse from Matthew 7:7-8, illustrating a door with no knob on the side Jesus was standing, indicating that we must initiate the interaction. I suggest, of the many buffet items available to us, that we include prayer for wisdom. Currently, I am studying how the brain functions, and scientists have actually isolated the portion which operates wisdom, stating that it is "one of the most powerful byproducts of emotional stability, giving us the capacity and fortitude to steer the car in the right direction"(Lieberman, 2010). How would you like your life to go in the right direction? Remember, you're the co-pilot, not the passenger.


PS: Lord, please give each reader ears to hear this encouragement. Having been inundated with Christianese, we can so easily turn away the fish meat, and toss it out with the bones. That's how our brains process and sort. Please grant each reader the ability to walk in Your will, see with Your eyes, and hear with Your ears. Amen.

Fighting the Good Fight

Exhaustion. An American epidemic. And I'm sure tired of it ( I heart puns). Sitting here with #118 Natural dye soaking into my hair follicles, I mull over the lessons I have learned this week, the "beatings" I've received, and one lallapalooza of a sob session. 

When sis left (small "s" is my very subtle, old creation man, way of showing less respect) I was pleasantly surprised at the overall visit , but when she returned to the pressures and routine of home life, her old-creation ballooned its way back in her spirit. She "double extendre'd" a comment on a social network, saying something cruel, in public, and then claiming, in a private message, that I misunderstood - crazy making. She reminded me, yet again, how to spend the "gift" she left Mom (look up definition of gift). She must have felt guilty, she called Mom while I was at work (she never calls my Mom), and Mom gave her what for. Just remember, Fellow Folders, no good deed goes unpunished :).

A different huge family implosion occurred. While a piece of my heart didn't snap off, it did suffer a wrenching. I had to really pray about perception again: Am I really that far off in my evaluation of myself, actions, and words than I believe? After much crying, praying, sobbing, and mulling, I believe I understand the answer. My perceptions are accurate, but that doesn't make the other party any happier, and I am saddened to see the choices made, and to be on the receiving end of those choices. My beloved friends helped me accept "What Is," and how to move forward. Having taken care of so many, for so long, my friends said that I've put myself in last place, again and again. And while taking care of kids, their illnesses, being the sole breadwinner, and now taking care of Mom was all necessary, it's time to start dreaming for a life of my own! I have no idea how people do that. So, I thought about a trip. It may be with my kids, or with a friend, but I'm definitely going on a vacation. I dream of working for God. Maybe of someday marrying - if it would be a blessing and not a burden. Having a new fellowship of girlfriends, of like-minded faith. A job that challenges my brain, lets me create, and doesn't require lifting 50 lbs. (every girl's dream).

The enemy apparently was bored in Washington, DC, so he came to my work. My work environment mimics that of a junior high, but with less acne. I do my job very well, and while a few people don't care for my assertive personality, I get along with most people. We sell a high-end paint product, and my co-worker, R., mixed an incorrect color, so the customer brought the two cans back, with R's initials on the label. K. proceeded to make the same mistake on another two cans trying to satisfy the customer, again, with his initials on the label. The adjusted formula kept reverting to the original formula each time the guys changed the quantity to two cans. We now had $140.00 of awesome paint, for $28.00! A.M. marked them down, with his initials generated by computer on the tags, and set them to the side for me. I forgot to purchase them, and the next morning my supervisor called and said, "If you want this paint you have to purchase it now, because it can't be sitting on the floor." Translation - if you don't buy it, I will. So, Mom and I zoomed over and bought the paint. I was so excited to freshen Mom's house for so little money. Two days later, G. says, "Now don't tell anyone I said this, but R. says, 'They're watching you.'" Who? Who is watching me, and WHY? "Well, YOU made mismatched paint, and then YOU marked down the paint and then YOU bought them. WHAT? I was so hurt, I almost started bawling. I woke my Mom up, had her bring the paint to the store at 8:30PM and return it. I took pictures of the labels with my phone, while smoke was pouring out my ears. The next day I spoke with the manager and he had no idea about any paint scandal. So, my coworkers just can't seem to let me be. It's been 10 LLOONNNGG months working with dysfunctional, mental, lazy, ADHD, gossipy, sloppy, lazy people. Do my coworkers EVER wonder, while they're slandering and gossiping about others, how many short-comings, irritating habits, bad odors, inappropriate behaviors in front of customers, and disrespect towards each other they exhibit? With the EI of 12, I assume not. I told my manager how difficult it was working with them, and that I put in for a transfer to four other stores. One that values strong, hard-working, women, and truly puts respect and professionalism first, like our value statement claims. Of course, he said he wanted me to stay, but I think I want a fresh start. The above is a highly fireable offense, and I cannot jeopardize the health insurance I am actively utilizing, hence my bringing back the paint.

How blessed am I that I have Jesus. Can you imagine, experiencing the above, sometimes daily (to a lesser or greater degree), and not have Jesus? He helps me to react properly, forgive regularly, understand the ungodly and immature, mature in my walk, and train to be battle-ready. Are you battle-ready? Does your armor fit properly, or is it up in the rafters because it needs altering and you just don't have the time?

Just finished studying the book of Joshua for my Bible School. Joshua was awesome. Honored to be Moses' aide,  fought against peer pressure when spying out the new land, while 10 others lied about the conditions for attack, and chosen to lead Israel into battle. My favorite is when God tells him FOUR times to be "Strong and Courageous," not afraid or discouraged. Joshua was afraid and discouraged.  Joshua was ordered to put to death people who rebelled against him, what a heavy command. I don't take this literally, rather, sometimes we can't hang out with people who actively disobey God. If you've had to do this, you know how it can be very painful. And, as always, God's caveat, the terms of the covenant are, "You will be victorious, you will be successful, and prosperous IF YOU OBEY MY COMMANDS." Jesus' sacrifice on the cross did not nullify the terms of the covenant. In order for God to uphold His end of the deal, we must hold up our end: Complete obedience. As we pace back and forth in the valley of decision, like Joshua, we must choose this day whom we shall serve: But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD" (Joshua 24:15).

Let's declare April "Spring Cleaning Month." Bring the armor down from the rafters.  Time to shine our breastplate of righteousness. Polish up our shoes with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. Make sure that belt of of truth still fits. Uh oh, too tight, now that's a problem.  How about that helmet of salvation? Did we wear it once and then sell it at a garage sale, assuming Jesus intended it as a single-use item? Hmm...should we trade in our dinner-plate size shield of faith for a much larger one? And what about our sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God? Where in the world did we put it? Oh, it's in our nightstand drawer, we thought it was only for emergencies or break-ins. Let's start carrying it like swashbucklers do, 24/7, at the ready, to give an answer to everyone who asks us to give the reason for the hope that we have (I Peter 3:15).

Be strong and courageous!

Running the Race (With One of My Shoelaces Untied)

Good morning, Fellow Folders. Was so blessed to have my treasures share Easter with me. Unfortunately, I had to work so I was unable to fellowship with the like-minded. I sure miss regular church. But my kids made the day a delight.

My sister was in town for a few days. I had contacted her about Mom's illness resulting from the outpatient medical procedure. My other siblings told me they were not interested in her health updates months ago. Concerned that Mom might pass, sister arranged for a trip out here to help, and to visit with Mom.  My Mom hungrily soaks up concern and interest, when her kids provide it, so the trip went very well. I encouraged her to visit because I honestly don't know how much lucid time Mom has left.

It was fun having her visit - when she is with her family, there's a lot of enabling, infighting, conflict and the like. She's a baby Christian, but very sincere and dedicated to make up for the many years that she wasn't.  I like that she's trying so hard to WWJD, as she considers herself a prophetess, and to a "seasoned" veteran (Myself, I hope), her understanding of our mutual faith seems skewed. We can't really discuss Jesus, as she believes herself more enlightened and doesn't want to offend my humble faith :). Sis was able to subtly communicate that my church of 30 years wasn't up to snuff, and that the parishioners were afflicted with hero-worship. We can't "see" that the Pastor is not really anointed because we are so enamored by his charisma. She added that she briefly views him on TV, but only if she stumbles across his broadcast while surfing the channels, and just for a moment. The fact that she exercised such restraint is a real testament to the fact that she is growing.

Listening to her speak, her perceptions on life, family, and situations, jolted my spirit. She has encased herself in a bubble and, like many of us, has crafted her own faith in Christ, her own truths, and her own doctrine. At her level, I don't condemn her, I think it's like being encased in a womb, providing an opportunity to receive nutrients and safety while developing. It freaked me out. How deceived am I about the situations and people around me? Am I perceiving myself correctly, or are people talking about me like I did her in the paragraph above? I proceeded to repent for every single thing I could think of, including deception. I forgave her, again, for the persecution and cruelness she put my family through before becoming a Christian. I encouraged her, gave her a vintage book by Gunnarsson that I owned and inscribed Numbers 6:24 inside the book. Other than kind of running a few red lights while we were driving Mom around (oops), I hope I was a good witness for God. I'm posting a guard against deception, as seeing it's shift-changing moves was creepy.

It reminds me of Joel 3:14, "Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision! For the day of the Lord is near in the valley of decision." Isn't it amazing how true that prophecy is today? Most everyone we know is a "Christian," or believer, but we shape God to our Will, rather than shape our Will to God's.  I don't believe that the "decision" in Joel is whether or not to become a believer, but of believers to consciously choose to obey God and His commands. We can be "Christian" using our hand-crafted faith for only so long. If we choose to remain in the bubble, we don't have a chance to build up immunity to sin, grow, change, and we eventually die when tough times come our way. And brother sister, I promise you we will.


So, I've regressed a bit. I'm kind of sad about it, too. For the past four months I've been riding an emotionally-wrenching roller coaster, in addition to the current trials that are part of my daily life. The feelings are akin to when I lost my boy. My love of reading is waning again, a sign that all is not well in my brain. Every day is a waiting game. Here's an interesting aside: After my boy passed, I received many beautiful flowers and plants. I have a black thumb, so the chances that I still possess these plants is nothing short of miraculous, and one is named after him :) About four months after he passed, I walked up to the table and said something to the plant, calling it by his name, and I heard, "Mom, I'm not a plant." He was teasing me, of course, but that was the only time I heard from him or felt his presence after his death. Fast forward four years, and I was driving and interceding for this current heartbreak, and I "felt" my son, and that he was aware of what was happening and on the scene! Immediately after, his "song," that was played at his funeral came on the radio,  a confirmation that I hadn't imagined the exchange!


Ha Ha! Just received a communiqué from Sis: She left Mom a $300.00 check (I know, she's a millionaire, don't say it, just forgive :), and Mom was so excited to be able to have the trees in the yard trimmed. They're quite unruly, I can't reach them nor do we possess the equipment even if I could. Sis has demanded that it only go towards medical expenses. Ha! What she doesn't know won't hurt her:).


The beast has reared his gruesome head and is pestering my middle daughter. Did you know that it's possible to post psychotic rants via text? She blocked the first number, but he must have picked up a disposable. Oy. It's time to play "Change the Phone Number Game!" The hassles of letting all your business associates, medical professionals, and close friends know your new number - fun by the hour. Each of us has had to play a round, I myself THREE! It makes us appear unstable, but we have died that death years ago. Then there's the strategy of the game: OK, who gave it to him, and how do I make sure that person doesn't get the new number? Pray that he crawls back into his drug den and leaves the kids alone. He doesn't dare bother me again, he already did four months in prison for it, and I don't think they have the same flow of drugs and alcohol available as they do on the outside.


I am so thankful that Jesus didn't treat woman like dog meat. Recently, I was listening to one of my Apologetic MP3's (19:55), and the speaker pointed how unusual it was that Jesus was first seen by the Marys and Joanna. During this time, women were not valued enough to be considered witnesses in court, according to the speaker. The fact that the angels met with them first, AND DIRECTED THEM TO BE THE WITNESSES to the apostles, and that Mary saw the resurrected Christ first, and the apostles obediently recorded it in the books (perhaps against their moral upbringing), made my heart sing. Jesus values me. I love Him so much.


Day off - time to paint Mom's cabinets. Have an Outstanding day.

Waiting for God's next Episode

Good Morning to my few faithful fellow Folders (no, it is not "F" day in the blog Alphabet Challenge). Always appreciate those who pop in. I don't often check out other blogs, but I did this morning and found a writer whose current post had 80+ comments! After reading, I couldn't understand the huge response, so I thought I'd check out a few other posts. Same thing. Aye, the mystery of it all.

We had a big store meeting. Clearly one of the engaged employees, oddly enough I did not receive an award. Later, my supervisor handed me the award and said she "forgot" to present it to me during the meeting. Praise God, my Old Man didn't spit, kick, or sass back! I guess that means my New Creation is pushing her out. Interestingly enough, later in the week a female store manager told me she needed to see me and asked me when my lunch was, I figured it was business. She gave me a bottle of one of my favorite perfumes! Folder, you must appreciate the enormity of this gesture. Managers are not supposed to hobnob with the underlings, let alone give them gifts. I know she's seen the trials that I've endured, my hard work, and the testimony to keep on keeping on, and wanted to express her thanks. My daughter, who currently is interviewing for the exact position, said she could get fired for this action. I will not tell a soul, but I marvel that God put it on her heart and she risked by obeying Him. Lord, bless A., bless her family, her health, and draw her closer to You.

Had a job nibble. Passed the phone interview and the first in-person interview. Confusion clouded every step of the way. At first, I thought the negative influence was my adversary, but then I had the third interview. I was sitting in a hospital waiting room, and she called. My Mom was undergoing a procedure, and the gal REALLY wanted to meet that day, but it had to be before 4:00 because the CFO had to take his daughter to a doctor appointment. I panicked. The first two interviews went so well. I called my Mom's friend, and she said she could pick her up. I felt really uncomfortable doing that, the unease clung to my entire body. When I asked how much longer it would be, the nurse locked her gaze on me as if, to say, "Are you an elder-abuser, don't you care about your Mom?" I decided to run home, professionalize and play it by ear. Mom's friend "B" called to say that the hospital called, Mom was ready to go, BUT B's  DAUGHTER TOOK HER CAR AND SHE COULDN'T PICK MOM UP! Oy. Why in the world did she commit in the first place? Anyway, I zoomed back to the hospital, brought Mom home, dressed her for bed, gave her crackers, water, phone, TV, and drove 40 minutes to the interview.

Let's just say, the interview was awkward. They couldn't tell me what my title would be, what my duties would entail, or much of anything. Here's my take: The CEO decided to have a semblance of a life, and during her absences, the old CFO and other employees drove her business into the ground, possibly even stealing from her. This comes from my discernment radar - none of this was actually said out loud. Further, the secretary of 2 1/2 years just quit, telling me that the chaos was too much. They need someone who can help clean up the mess and eventually settle into a solidified role/position. I made it clear that I was not going to be a receptionist, and they assured me that that would not be the case. Now, I am an excellent problem-solver, I can see how to make things better, tighter, more efficient, and cost-effective. BUT, if they call back, I am going to up the anti. The confusion wasn't necessarily the adversary - it was the company.  The thing that stuck in my craw was the absence of regard for my elderly mother in the hospital having a medical procedure. And, my willingness to go along with the madness.  My very important CEO Big Wig cousin said that that is a red flag - not all the confusion or chaos, but the disregard for my family. The interview didn't even go that well, so they may not call back. I'm OK with that, accepting God's best for me may not involve this company. Plus, it's a long commute. Bleh.

On the upside, if they do offer the job to me, the mother ship will take me back to my home planet of "White-Collar" world. Visiting "Blue-Collar" world has been an education, I've learned the language, customs, and culture. The inhabitants are mostly wonderful people, but we don't share many common interests. Even the customers notice that I'm not a native and say, "You're not from this world are you?" I smile, "No, I'm just visiting." Longer than I expected...waiting for my Visa to expire. Last week, one couple asked, "Why are you not managing this store?" Inside my head I thought, "Ask God." I also get a lot of, "Wow, you smell good!" I'm not sure why this is unique, but apparently it is.

The home planet came from a funny story. My buddhist friend, "S," while highly intelligent and funny as a stand-up comedian, was recalling, with disdain, a time when "these corporate guys, with their shiny black shoes, crisp white shirts and black pants were here evaluating the department...." And I interrupted her and said, "The mother ship has come for me!"

I could learn a second language during the commute, and I enjoy helping companies segue into enhanced/improved versions of their formal selves. I've done it before, with documentation, and it would make my corporate resume more current and beefy.

Mom is not doing well, so it's a blessing I haven't heard about the job yet. Still waiting on her test results. I can see she is failing. I'm not scared of her dying. She's made it clear that she's ready to go. When I moved in to take care of her, I knew that my awesome Christian Spirit would influence her relationship with God - it didn't. In fact, her negativity nearly drove me to despair. I've found a way to not absorb her Debbie-Downer moods, and she's found a way not to crab and complain about every little thing. She told me years back that that when she passed, she would be in God's nursery, because her faith is so small. I think she's right. But I'm glad she'll be there, and that I can help her last days be better. She's repented of so many things, but never feels forgiven. Condemnation, that wretched task-master, relentlessly hounds her. Without recognizing why, she says, "I feel so safe when you're here."

Just received THE email - I did not get the job. Funny thing, I don't feel sad or disappointed. Hmmm. I guess that means God has something else in mind? Well, back to trolling online job ads. My protruding disc and arthritis in my back are begging me not to go in to work today, but alas, it is what it is. Sometimes living by faith is akin to watching your life like it's a TV show. Diz didn't get the job, but who knows what next week's show will be like. Will it be a rerun? Or, an Emmy Award winning episode? Will there be a surprise guest appearance? Will it be filmed in another location?

I guess you'll just have to tune in for an All New Episode of The 100 Fold Christian, starring Diz and her cast of single initialed characters. Viewer discretion is not advised - come one, come all.